Canoodling and cannelloni: How after-dinner sex became a viral conversation

As one writer goes viral for saying she’s ‘too full to f***’, Olivia Petter examines the complexities surrounding sex after food

(Rex Features)

Imagine you’re on a date. You’ve spent the last two hours talking softly, laughing seductively, and trading anecdotes about your respective wacky aunts. It’s at this point (roughly three-quarters of a bottle of wine in) that you realise sex is on the cards. But there’s a problem: you’re full.

You’ve had multiple courses, indulgent desserts, and extra side dishes. Your belly has become a balloon and your walk is now a waddle. The thought of someone touching you, let alone lying on top of you, is viscerally nauseating. And so sex is no longer on the cards. You leave, full of food and sexual frustration.

We all know you need to wait an hour after eating food before you swim. It is the ultimate old wives’ tale that (regardless of its scientific credentials) everyone will have heard recited at least once as a child. But are there other active pursuits we shouldn’t be diving right into after a three-course meal that grandma didn’t tell us about?

This week, writer Cazzie David shared an essay on The Cut titled “Too Full to F***”. In the piece, David explains why the thought of having sex after food can be unappetising, recalling telling a boyfriend that she felt compelled to choose between sex and dessert. “If I eat ice-cream, I won’t be able to have sex later,” she told him. “Sometimes, if you’ve eaten a hearty meal, there isn’t enough room for a penis.”

Although the piece has been criticised for, among other things, being “sexist” and “heteronormative”, it has prompted a discussion about, well, feeling too full to have sex. And it’s not as niche as it sounds.

It’s no secret that we live in a world where women’s bodies are under constant scrutiny, with studies finding that as many as 50 per cent of women have felt unhappy with the way they look at some point. Meanwhile, other studies have found links between having a positive body image and sexual satisfaction. This makes sense: the better you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to feel confident. Similarly, poor body image has been found to be detrimental to women’s sexual desire and arousal.

But perhaps, as David’s insight suggests, this isn’t just about how women consider their bodies long-term, but the minor fluctuations that can happen to their physiques during the course of a single day, much of which is dictated by our mealtimes.

Popular culture has long implied that women should eat in a different way to men: Cameron Diaz’s character in The Holiday hasn’t eaten carbohydrates without wanting to “kill herself” for years until she flees to England; heroines in Jilly Cooper novels live off grapefruit and Melba toasts; and there’s even a whole section of iStock imagery memes dedicated to women laughing while eating salad as if that is the token of femininity. The mark of “not-like-other-women” Mia Wallace in Pulp Fiction is when she orders a $5 milkshake.

There are countless Reddit forums dedicated to asking the question: should I feel embarrassed about my buffet bloat? People asking strangers on the internet whether they should rearrange date plans to ensure they go to the restaurant after they eat, not before. And in the hugely popular unpopular opinion forum, someone goes so far as to say having sex after dinner is “stupid”.

On Quora someone goes one step further, asking: Is it true that it is dangerous to have sex after eating? “If so, how long should one wait if, for instance, two 1/2 lb hamburgers were eaten,” they ask. 

If all of this seems farfetched, ask yourself: when was the last time you saw a woman undress on screen in front of her partner with a bloated belly? Or tell their partner that they’re not in the mood because they have a stomach ache, or feel too gassy? Women aren’t supposed to feel too full to have sex, especially not when they’re sleeping with someone new.

Of course, the very physicality of digesting a big meal can render your energy levels somewhat depleted, hence why you might not be up for coitus. But a study published in the journal Appetite has found that women with full stomachs are more likely to respond to arousing images compared to those with empty stomachs. (For men, it’s a bit different, with some studies finding links between overeating and erectile dysfunction). So perhaps the problem is more mental than physical.

And it’s understandable in a world where calorie restriction is celebrated among some women. Like slimness, it’s seen as a form of social capital. Despite the progress in many areas, including the body positivity movement, the myth that women need to look or eat a certain way in order to feel sexy persists. A YouGov study found that nearly half of Brits are unhappy with their bodies and a much higher proportion were women (especially those aged 35-40). There’s a reason why that scene in Little Miss Sunshine, when Olive desperately tries to suck in her stomach while staring at herself in the mirror, struck a chord with so many. 

What’s perhaps most frustrating about all of this is that if a woman really does feel too full to have sex, chances are that she’ll feel too embarrassed to say so. There are far more run-of-the-mill excuses to use, like having a headache, or being on your period. 

It doesn’t help that the majority of “first time” sex scenes we see in film, on TV occur after the characters have had dinner. Why wouldn’t they have sex beforehand? It makes much more sense, logistically speaking. Your hair is freshly done. Your outfit is free of food stains. And chances are, you have butterflies in anticipation of the evening ahead. All of this combines to provide a primer for seduction. A full stomach and the knowledge that you may or may not break wind in your new partner’s face does not.