One in 12 Britons regret becoming parents, survey reveals

Young parents between 25 and 34 more likely to feel regret about having children

One in seven people regretted having had children at some point in their lives, according to a YouGov poll (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Admitting that you regret having children is still one the biggest parenting taboos in society, but a new survey reveals that it’s more common than we think.

Data from YouGov shows that although the vast majority of parents (83 per cent) say they have never felt regret about starting a family, eight per cent say they regret it, while another six per cent previously had regrets but don’t now.

YouGov surveyed 1,249 parents and found that not all who regret the decision to become a parent feel the same way forever. One in seven regretted having children at some point in their lives, compared to one in 12 who said they still regret it.

Younger parents are more likely to feel regret at some point in their lives, with the figure rising to one in five among parents aged between 25 and 34.

Older parents aged 55 and over, whose children are likely adults now themselves, feel the least regret among those surveyed. Only one in 10 were unhappy with their decision to have children (six per cent) or questioned it in the past (four per cent).

Among parents who say they still regret having children, five per cent say it’s to a small extent and for just one per cent, they regret the decision to a large extent. The remaining two per cent said their regret was to a moderate degree.

Those who said they were previously unhappy with being a parent showed a similar pattern, with five per cent saying their regrets were minor and one per cent saying they regretted their decision to a moderate degree.

Only four per cent of parents said they would not have had children if they could do it all again – the same percentage as those who said they would have had fewer children.

While the majority of the survey’s respondents said they would have the same number of children if they were to do parenthood all over again, three in 10 (29 per cent) said they wish they had more children.

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The data indicates that the desire for more children is stronger among younger parents, with a third of parents aged 25 to 49 (32 per cent) wishing they had a larger family.

Parents in the oldest age group of over-65s were the least likely to say they wish they’d had more children.

There was also a marked difference between genders in this respect. A third of mothers (32 per cent) wished they’d had more kids, compared to one in four (24 per cent) of fathers.

YouGov noted that many parents take to online forums such as Mumsnet, Reddit and Quora – usually under pseudonyms to remain anonymous – to seek comfort that they are not alone in feeling the way they do about having children.

In one thread on Mumsnet, a mother asked if anyone could relate to her intensifying feelings of regret, particularly during the coronavirus lockdown last year.

She wrote: “The awful truth is I’ve hated being a mum ever since I had my baby three years ago… Now with everything that’s happened I feel I’m back to square one - no childcare and unable to work - and I’m not in a good place.

“I feel ashamed of this and like there’s something wrong with me,” she confessed. “Even though my friends complain about motherhood, they’ve all had second or even third children whereas I can’t even contemplate having another.”

Her post garnered a number of kind responses from other parents reassuring her she was not alone, with some admitting they would “never want to do this again” in regards to having children.