Entrepreneur splits opinion with advice for marrying in your twenties
Both men and women have weighed in on TikToker and entrepreneur Denise Lee’s experience
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Your support makes all the difference.A woman has sparked fierce debate on social media over her advice to her younger self about getting married in her twenties.
Denise Lee, an entrepreneur who frequently posts business and life advice for her followers on TikTok and Instagram, shared a video in which she reflects on her 40th birthday.
In it, she stated that she would not have married her ex-husband at the age of 29 if she knew then what she knows today.
The clip shows her sitting in an armchair wearing a beige top and cream trousers, and holding the microphone attached to her headphones up as she speaks.
She explained: “I met my husband when I was 24 and we got married when I was 29. At the time I thought that this was, like, the ideal situation, I’m at the perfect age to get married.
“But what I realised was in the four years that we were married, I grew so much as a person. I graduated from business school, started my own business.
“I just became such a different person that I didn’t feel like he was the best fit for me anymore and I don’t think I could have realised that t 29 when I said yes.”
Later, Lee said that if she could re-live that period of her life, she would have “allowed myself to have so much more growth in my life before I made a decision on a life partner”.
She added: “It’s really nothing against that partner, specifically, but it was more about the direction that I wanted my life to take.
“My interests by 35 were unrecognisable to my younger self and I don’t think it would have been fair of me to take him on this journey if I didn’t think that he was the right partner for the version of me that was to come.”
Lee’s video was posted earlier this month, but was recently re-shared on Twitter and has prompted many to share their thoughts about it.
Some disagreed strongly with Lee’s take on marriage, branding her “selfish”, while others defended her for choosing to “put herself first”.
One person wrote: “Marriage is meant to be a commitment. Not a pair of shoes you outgrow. Both people change over the course of the relationship but you adjust to each other and keep moving forward. That’s how you build love.”
Another said: “My wife and I went to high school together, dated at 24, married at 30, kids at 32. Turning 40 next year. I think growing together is key.”
“We are constantly growing and evolving. The person you are at 40 might not be the person you are at 50,” a third added. “Being able to love a person at every version or stage in your life AND their life is what will determine if a marriage will stand the test of time.”
Others thought Lee’s perspective was wise and relatable, with some sharing that they felt like completely different people during their 20s compared to their 30s.
“Yes. I met him at 21, married at 24 and divorced at 29. Different person completely,” one commenter said.
Another added: “Unpopular opinion: Marriage is an incentivised social institution. A lot of people want to marry for the benefits that come with being legally recognised as spouses. Without the institution, relationships are simply a commitment, and it is OK for commitments to change.”
“I can’t believe a simple video like this is sparking so much outrage from women and men,” a third said. “The projection, assumptions and anger because someone recognised they were a completely different person with different interests so a relationship wasn’t working anymore.”
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