As Love Island stars rekindle toxic relationships, should you ever go back to a F*** Boy?

As the women on Love Island consider going back to men who have hurt them, we ask whether toxic relationships can ever change

Love Island is lacking in many areas, but one thing it has never been short of is F*** Boys. For the uninitiated, a F*** Boy is the colloquial term used to describe straight men who treat women badly in relationships, either by manipulating them, sending conflicting messages about their feelings, or just generally disrespecting them. They tend to use women for their own agenda; be it sex, an ego boost or a temporary distraction.

Every year, Love Island is crawling with men like this. In season four, it was Adam Collard, who told partner Rosie Williams she was overreacting when he started flirting with fellow contestant Zara McDermott in front of her. In season five, it was Curtis Pritchard, who professed his commitment to “half girlfriend” Amy Pritchard only to later have his “head turned” by a woman he’d known for two days. This year, however, there are almost too many to count.

Let’s begin with Tyler Cruickshank, who, after spending four days coupled up with Kaz Kamwi, told Casa Amor’s Clarisse Juliette how “sexy” she was before coupling up with her, and then deciding he actually still liked Kamwi. Or Toby Aromolaran, who ditched Kamwi for Chloe Burrows, only to then dump Burrows for new arrival Abigail Rawlings. Aromolaran’s chaotic head then turned to Casa Amor Islander Mary Bedford, before it ricocheted back to Rawlings, and then Burrows. Finally, there’s Liam Reardon, who was going back and forth between two women whose names actually rhyme: Millie [Court] and Lillie [Haynes].

You’d think all this would put you off. And yet, despite having been brutally “mugged off” by their male partners, the women seem to genuinely want them back: Burrows, Kamwi and Court were all shown contemplating reunions, although they did somewhat protest that the men would have to work hard to get back in their good books.

Maybe there’s something in the Mallorca water. Maybe it’s all part of an elaborate strategy to win the show. Or maybe Love Island is teaching us an important lesson about F*** Boys. Even away from the island, people definitely are not immune from their charms. But can a F*** Boy ever change his ways? Will you be able to trust them again? And can a toxic relationship ever become healthy?

One of Aromolaran’s romantic gestures to win Burrows back was to create a breakfast picnic for her. (ITV)

The answer depends on several factors, namely, the nature of the behaviour. “Any relationship that doesn’t make you feel good can be described as toxic,” says Relate counsellor Gurpeet Singh. “If the relationship leaves you feeling unheard, dismissed or unhappy this is probably a sign that something needs addressing.” By this logic, showing interest in someone else in Casa Amor may not necessarily be toxic on its own, but it becomes so when it’s coupled with gaslighting, dishonesty or undermining behaviour. What you find tolerable or toxic can be a somewhat personal choice.

It’s also worth determining where your partner’s toxic behaviour stems from. For some, it might be as simple as being reluctant to settle down in case someone better comes along, which is an attitude that Love Island both encourages and facilitates through the frequent addition of so-called “bombshells” i.e. newcomers who typically express an interest in coupled-up Islanders. But this can also be seen off-screen, with dating apps, that give the impression of a “constant supply” of novelty.

“If someone’s head is turned, and then they decide that actually the grass wasn’t greener, they return to their former partners with their soothing, reassuring words and pleas for forgiveness,” notes dating psychologist Jo Hemmings. “Some men, especially younger guys, make a habit of this - fuelled by a lack of desire for commitment, attention seeking and the general availability and ease of access of other women on the programme, while in real-life this is perpetuated by dating apps.”

Going back to someone who doesn’t show remorse or hasn’t made any attempts to make up for their bad behaviour will not show any more respect than before

Madeleine Mason Roantree, dating psychologist

If you are considering going back to an ex who has behaved in this way, dating psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree says it’s important to try to think about what that means for your future prospects with that person. “Ask yourself: why would things be different now?”.

It also depends on how the person who has behaved badly has reacted since. Have they shown genuine remorse? Have they taken responsibility for their actions? “I find that going back to someone who doesn’t show remorse or hasn’t made any attempts to make up for their bad behaviour will not show any more respect than before, in fact their respect towards the partner will likely decrease,” says Mason.

In this instance you should maintain a degree of caution, because expressing remorse can quite easily be conflated with manipulation; are the men genuinely sorry, or are they simply telling the women what they want to hear so they’ll get them back?

One red flag for the latter might be that an ex insists that whatever dalliances they had outside of the relationship “meant nothing”. This has certainly been the tactic of choice from Reardon, who tried to play down the extent of his flirtations with Haynes in Casa Amor - he told Court there was just one kiss when there were, in fact, three, for example. His plan backfired, however, when Haynes was brought back into the programme for a one-on-one chat, during which Reardon was exposed.

Court and Reardon pictured chatting in the villa. (ITV)

Another thing to be mindful of, says Mason, beyond what their intentions are in coming back, is to ensure that you are reconciling for the right reasons. “Some people go back because they erroneously see the ex as damaged and in need of their help to be fixed,” she says. “For others it’s subconscious self-punishment and perhaps a lack of belief they will meet anyone better.”

That said, hurdles don’t always tear couples apart. In fact, some dating psychologists argue that they can bring them closer together. Consider Esther Perel, the famous bestselling couples therapist, whose book The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, turns traditional attitudes towards cheating on their head, and calls for a more compassionate understanding of what drives people to cheat, arguing that it tends to be more about the individual involved rather than the quality of their relationship.

Data suggests that many long-term relationships can survive infidelity, with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy finding that 45 percent of men and 35 percent of women have been sexually or emotionally intimate with someone outside of their committed relationship.

It will take time to rebuild trust, some open and difficult conversations to understand what happened, and addressing feelings of both partners

Gurpeet Singh, Relate counsellor

Ultimately, if you do choose to reunite with an ex who has wronged you, the best thing you can do is have an honest conversation about how their actions made you feel and outline very clearly that you won’t tolerate similar behaviours again. “It will take time to rebuild trust, some open and difficult conversations to understand what happened, and addressing feelings of both partners,” says Singh. “People do make mistakes in relationships and dating but it’s important to learn from it and the hurt it caused. With some careful nurturing, it may be possible to rebuild the relationship.”

In some instances, it might be worth following the advice stated by an old adage: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. “Make it clear that if they do that to you again, it will be over,” says Hemmings. “And stick with that decision. Third chances should never be allowed.”