Why making your date laugh doesn’t necessarily mean you’re funny
As one study suggests laughter doesn’t guarantee success on a date, Olivia Petter points out the flaw in this logic – especially because women are used to laughing not because a man is funny, but because it’s easier than dealing with him getting moody
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Your support makes all the difference.When was the last time you laughed? Maybe it was when your dad said something embarrassing about cancel culture. Or when your boyfriend spilt coffee all over his new white T-shirt before work. Or when your colleague made a cringe joke in a meeting and you felt sorry for them.
My point is that there are many times in which women laugh at men for reasons that have nothing to do with how funny they are. I also feel compelled to make this point rather strongly today, because a new study has claimed that funny men are at a disadvantage in the dating game, at least if they’re straight.
That is the finding from research by a team at the University of Queensland, who asked 554 heterosexual volunteers to take part in a series of three-minute speed dates. The dates were then recorded and analysed, with the results claiming that humour doesn’t win you any points in the dating game.
“We found that irrespective of sex, participants who laughed more at their partner or received more laughs did not rate their partner as any more or less attractive,” said lead author Henry Wainwright. “It’s interesting that this result opposes the commonly held belief that women are more attracted to funny men and that men are more attracted to women who find them funny.”
Historically, psychologists have argued that women are attracted to funny men because of evolutionary reasons. “In the past it was thought that being attracted to funny individuals was useful because your children were more likely to inherit beneficial characteristics, like intelligence,” Wainwright explained.
“If true, this process would lead to an evolutionary advantage both for being funny and being attracted to funny people, a potential explanation as to why humour is found in virtually all human cultures. However, our results suggest that trying too hard to be funny on a date might be more counterproductive than helpful – you should just be yourself.”
I am not a researcher. Nor am I a psychologist. And I’m certainly not an expert at dating. But I can tell you that this analysis is nonsense – in my opinion, at least. Humour is the only saving grace in the dating scene. It is – quite literally – the most important thing me and my friends look for whenever we go on a Hinge date. And often the only thing that makes any of it fun.
I’ll bet that almost all of the men I’ve had first dates with have come away from it thinking they are the next Steve Martin
That said, I do understand the study’s findings. Despite popular belief, laughter is not necessarily an indicator of humour. Sometimes it can even indicate the opposite, particularly within a romantic context. I’ll bet that almost all of the men I’ve had first dates with have come away from it thinking they are the next Steve Martin. As for how many of them I actually found funny? Well, that number would be significantly low, I’m afraid.
To illustrate what I mean, allow me to list some of the reasons I’ve laughed on dates: I can tell he’s nervous and I’m trying to put him at ease. He’s dreadful at flirting but I don’t want him to feel embarrassed. He has said something problematic and I’m trying to hide the fact it has made me feel uncomfortable.
The study hasn’t distinguished between the sexes, but I’d wager a bet that women are the ones laughing out of sympathy more than men. We are socially conditioned to be people-pleasers from a young age. The ones who learnt long ago that nobody likes it when we’re angry or disgruntled. The ones who’ve been forced to master the skill of cracking a smile in the most awkward of scenarios.
With all this in mind, I can see why the researchers ascertained that laughter didn’t necessarily signify a greater deal of attraction. But that doesn’t mean anything with regards to how much value we place on humour. If anything, what this study shows is that far too many of us are appeasing on dates – laughing at things we don’t find funny in order to keep the peace, or to boost someone else’s confidence when we sense it waning.
Believe me, when it comes to the heterosexual dating scene, funny men are still having the last laugh. It’s of course not funny to try too hard. And I’m certainly not advising you to do that. But don’t let studies like this convince you that humour has lost its currency in the dating world. In fact, as my single straight female friends and I tire of disappointing first dates where conversation is agonising and every last giggle feels like an act of service, I’d say it’s worth more than ever before.