This is why people cheat, according to a relationships expert
Some people just can't respect monogamy
Your support helps us to tell the story
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.
Your support makes all the difference.Adultery is no picnic for anyone involved, but it happens - quite a lot actually.
Monogamy might be the traditional ideal, but with one in five British adults having affairs, it’s not always the reality.
It’s systemic across genders too, with men most likely to unlawfully canoodle with work colleagues, while women go for male “friends”.
So, what is it about cheating that seduces so many of us?
We spoke to relationships coach Dee Holmes at Relate to uncover the most common emotional triggers that are leading partners astray.
Resentment
Some people cheat out of resentment, Holmes told The Independent.
When someone feels neglected in the relationship because a partner is spending most of their time at work or isn’t giving them their full attention, it can lead to adulterous relationships as a way of that person regaining control.
This motivation for cheating could be interpreted as a cry for attention, she said, and is a clear symptom of a lack of communication between couples.
Sexual satisfaction
Unsurprisingly, when a couple isn’t having sex, or there are issues in the bedroom, it can lead to one party seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
It’s a common motivation for adulterers and is often linked with a number of other triggers, such as feeling neglected, which Holmes explained regularly transpires as a specifically sexual neglect.
Opportunity
For some, cheating is merely something to spice things up i.e. one partner has tired of the relationship for whatever reason and is looking for a way to reignite some passion into their lives, regardless of any marital ties they may have.
Relationships are a game to some people, Holmes said, and for them infidelity is little more than a manifestation of a person’s opportunistic tendencies.
Boredom and curiosity could fall into this category as well, she said.
Insecurity
Another common motivator for adultery is when one person in the relationship lacks self-esteem.
This could spurn from a number of factors, Holmes explained, such as feeling insecure about one’s body, career prospects or even their age.
Wanting to “feel young again” is something that motivates a lot of cheating partners, said Holmes, who look for younger partners to reignite the youth they feel they’ve lost in their married or committed years.
Serial cheaters
For some people, monogamy simply isn’t an option and they will cheat their way through relationships until the cows come home.
Though they may try to mend their wandering ways, some men and women just can’t comprehend the idea of being with just one person for the rest of their lives.
This could be down to a variety of factors, explains Holmes, such as attachment issues, commitment phobias or even sex addiction.
Regardless of the reasoning; some people are just destined for a lifetime of philandering.
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments