Jennifer Lopez says split from Ben Affleck in 2004 was the ‘biggest heartbreak’ of her life

‘I honestly felt like I was going to die’ she recalled in an interview this week

Jennifer Lopez has spoken out about her first split from now-husband Ben Affleck, calling it the “biggest heartbreak” of her life.

The 53-year-old reflected on her relationship with the actor during an interview with Apple Music’s Zane Lowe on Monday. The interview came after she announced that she’ll be releasing a new album,This Is Me...Now, a follow up to her 2002 album, This Is Me...Then.

During her interview with Lowe, Lopez reflected on her 2004 breakup with Affleck and how that “heartbreak” ultimately affected her career. They pair was briefly engaged in the early 2000s before calling the nuptials off.

“Dude, I wouldn’t even perform these records. It was so painful after we broke up,” she said about herThis Is Me...Then album. “Once we called off that wedding 20 years ago, it was the biggest heartbreak of my life. I honestly felt like I was going to die. It sent me on a spiral for the next 18 years where I just couldn’t get it right.”

Things ultimately worked out in the end, Lopez remarked, as she and the Gone Girl star got back together in April 2021 and got married earlier this year.

“But now, 20 years later, it does have a happy ending,” the Marry Me star said. “It has the most would-never-happen in Hollywood ending.”

Lopez went on to note that when she and Affleck started dating again, she still couldn’t bring herself to sing songs fromThis Is Me...Then since they were about the actor and released amid their “painful” breakup.

“It’s funny because when me and Ben got back together, he said to me: ‘You never performed the songs, like you never did “I’m Glad”, you never did this, you never did that.’ And I was like: ‘You’re right.’ I said: ‘It was painful. It was a part of me then that I had to put away to kind of move on and survive.’ It was a survival tactic for sure.”

She went on to acknowledge that Affleck still “loves that music” and how he was with her when she was writing those songs.

“He knows all of the words,” the singer explained. “He also was with me while I was creating it. He knows it so well and he loves it so much.”

The Hustlers star then praised her husband for supporting her throughout her career and pinpointed how their relationship inspired her to create her music on This Is Me...Now.

“He’s my biggest fan, which is awesome, and supporter,” she said. “When he came back into my life again, the same thing happened where I felt so inspired and so overtaken with emotion that it was just pouring out of me.”

This is hardly the first time that Lopez has opened up about her relationship with Affleck. While appearing on the cover of Vogue earlier this month, she discussed the challenges of blending their families. Affleck and his ex-wife, Jennifer Garner, star share three children: Violet, 16, Seraphina, 14, and Samuel, 10, while Lopez and her ex-husband, Marc Anthony, share 14-year-old twins, Emme and Maximilian.

“The transition is a process that needs to be handled with so much care,” she told the pblication. “They have so many feelings. They’re teens. But it’s going really well so far.”