Man sparks etiquette debate after asking whether he can disinvite mother-in-law from Christmas

‘Once you’re in a marriage every decision has to be a joint one, even if that means one of you has to compromise’

A man has questioned whether it is appropriate to disinvite his mother-in-law from Christmas, sparking a debate about holiday etiquette.

Looking for validation, the online user took to the popular Reddit channel Am I The A**hole to see if he was the bad guy in this situation. He started by explaining how his mother-in-law was a difficult person, using last Christmas as a prime example.

“My mother-in-law is a horrible person who loves to create drama whenever she can,” he wrote.

The man went on to explain how she had meddled in their present plans last year by attempting to make their daughter feel like she wasn’t as special as her brother.

“Last Christmas we got both of our kids different gifts as one was a 13-year-old girl and one is a 10-year-old boy,” he explained. “My mil (mother-in-law) decided to tell my daughter that she didn’t get as many gifts as her brother and that we spent less on her. Basically trying to get our daughter to believe that we loved her less. We then had to deal with a crying 13 year old on Christmas.”

What’s more, according to the frustrated father, his wife’s mother has a habit of purchasing expensive gifts to “upstage everyone” and disclosing the price to show off. This year, his mother-in-law disapproved of their plans to host a potluck dinner.

The original poster (OP) noted: “She called up to ask what we will be doing for Christmas as it’s our turn, I mentioned that me and my wife want to have a potluck at our place.”

“She then proceeded to explain to me how we shouldn’t let some family members cook certain food because of some instances where they f***ed up and ruined the dish (this is all completely false information that she is mentioning to try and start some more family drama),” he added.

For the Redditor, this was the last straw. He proceeded to tell his wife that he didn’t want her mother to come to Christmas, and she did not take it well.

He admitted: “Wife is completely against it and thinks I’m being incredibly cruel to her mum, and doesn’t want to exclude her.”

AITA for putting my foot down and not allowing my mother in law to come to Christmas.
byu/throwawyt8cjd inAmItheAsshole

To figure out if he was in the wrong for wanting to exclude his mother-in-law from this year’s festivities, the man asked other anonymous online users their opinions.

“I think once you’re in a marriage every decision has to be a joint one, even if that means one of you has to compromise,” one person said. “I think ‘putting your foot down’ and ignoring how your wife feels about the situation is an [a**hole] move. You’re not the [a**hole] for not wanting your MIL there, but you and your wife need to have better communication about this.”

Another individual disagreed, writing: “I think this goes out the window a bit when the family member in question is trying to cause damage to his relationship with his kids and his kids’ psychological wellbeing in general.”

“It’s also going to cause issues with OP’s wife and their children because the children (if they don’t already) are going to eventually associate holidays with grandma being an a**hole,” one Reddit user pointed out.

Someone else proclaimed: “Your MIL tried (and managed?) to ruin a 13-year-old’s Christmas. She needs to not be there ever again.”

“Your wife shouldn’t be choosing her mother over her own family. How is she okay with her mother’s rudeness and cruelty to her own children?” another person agreed. “She should be telling her mother that her behaviour is not acceptable if she wants to be welcome.”

The Independent has contacted the Redditor u//dzhl0z for a comment.