'How could I, a man-machine, need help?'

Sunday 02 February 1997 00:02 GMT
Comments

Your support helps us to tell the story

From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.

At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.

The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.

Your support makes all the difference.

Tom H, 32, is an accountant in the music business. He lives in London.

"After my daughter Molly was born, I was obviously delighted, but over the subsequent weeks I began to feel tired and scratchy all the time. I seemed so responsible, too much so, and I had these feelings of resentment and loss about my life before parenthood. My wife sensed this and, assuming that I was blaming her, started retreating from me into her life with the baby, which seemed extremely exclusive. Certainly there was little time for affection, let alone anything more intimate.

"I had taken quite a lot of paternity leave, planning to ease myself back into my self-employed life, but I found myself always shopping one minute, then snatching half an hour to write an important letter, then pacifying Molly by taking her for a walk in the baby carrier. I was also feeling confused in my mind, and it seemed easier just to watch videos from the sofa, but these relentless tasks just kept on coming. It was time to pay myself a bit of attention, but I couldn't find a way to do that and felt guilty for even thinking that I, man-machine, needed to sort myself out. After a while I started to become hypochondriac. I kept on thinking I had a brain tumour or heart flutters. Resting didn't help and I felt extremely sad about life. I finally admitted to myself that I was depressed, and started taking the steps - a short course of anti- depressants, yoga, exercise and therapy - which were to make me feel better about life. I took a while, but I became a better father as a result, and fortunately my marriage survived."

Join our commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies

Comments

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in