How to give your relationships a new season reboot
Autumn is a great time to reconnect. Camilla Foster talks to the experts.
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Summer is an exciting but often chaotic period, so the start of autumn can be a great time to slow down and reconnect with friends and loved ones.
The new season provides an opportunity to renew and strengthen our relationships – but also to think about whether certain connections really are continuing to add value and joy into our lives.
If you feel like a particular relationship, whether that be with a partner, family member or childhood friend, has grown distant, there’s a number of things you can do to help revive it.
Why now?
“September often brings a back-to-school vibe, signalling new beginnings and fresh starts,” says Paula Crowhurst, relationship coach from divorce support platform Pivot. “This energy is perfect for renewing and strengthening your relationship, especially if things have felt stagnant or distant.”
Lorena Bernal, life coach and founder of events and coaching platform Live Love Better, adds: “It’s an opportunity to harness the clarity gained from recent experiences, to set new intentions and reset our priorities, focusing on what truly matters as we transition into the next chapter.”
Here are some suggestions for how to go about it…
Set clear goals
Be clear about what you want and need if you’re thinking about resetting or reconnecting a particular relationship, whether it be a romantic or platonic one.
“Start by setting clear, specific goals for your relationship,” recommends Crowhurst. “Do you want to improve communication, rekindle romance, or rebuild trust? For example, you might set a goal like, ‘I want to communicate openly without fear of conflict’.”
Assess where you are
Reflect on your relationship’s current status to understand what is working and what isn’t.
“Take an honest look at your relationship’s current state,” suggests Crowhurst. “Are you spending quality time together? How well do you communicate? Acknowledge both the strengths and the issues causing tension.”
This evaluation can help give you clarity on whether the relationship is worth continuing or not, and if so, what needs to happen in order to work on things.
“Ask yourself if it’s worth continuing to invest your time and energy,” adds Bernal. “Consider what truly brings you together. If there is genuine love and a deep connection, it will be easier to rekindle the relationship.”
Honesty is an important part of this too. “By approaching your friendships and relationships with honesty and care, you can ensure they remain healthy and fulfilling as you move forward,” says Bernal.
Schedule a proper catch up
Make sure you make time in your busy schedule to meet up if you haven’t seen a friend or a family member in a while.
“When you do reconnect, focus on sharing your experiences from the time apart,” advises Bernal. “Discuss what has changed in your lives, share your future goals, and express what you hope for in this new chapter.
“This mutual exchange can help reset the clock, allowing the relationship to evolve and grow in a way that’s aligned with your current lives.”
Explore ways to improve
If you’ve identified that there’s a particular relationship you’d like to work on, be intentional and talk to your loved one about how you could both improve things moving forward. Remember, relationships are always a two-way street.
“Consider what actions both can take to bridge gaps and enhance your connection,” says Crowhurst. “This could include scheduling regular date nights (or friend meet-ups), seeking couples therapy, or practicing active listening.
“Decide on specific actions. For example, ‘We will have a weekly check-in every Sunday to discuss our feelings and any issues’. Set a timeline and stick to it, adjusting as needed.”
Know when to let go
“Ultimately, a successful reset is about ensuring that your relationships continue to bring value and joy to your life,” says Bernal. “It’s about being intentional with your time and energy, nurturing the connections that matter most, and letting go of those that no longer serve you.”