Will Smith, Chris Rock and Jada Pinkett Smith: When does being protective of your family go too far?

Smith’s actions have divided viewers

Viewers of Sunday evening’s Oscars ceremony were astonished to watch Will Smith strike comedian Chris Rock after he made a joke at the expense of his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith.

Rock was presenting the award for Best Documentary when he made a joke about Pinkett Smith’s appearance.

“Jada, I love you. GI Jane 2, can’t wait to see you,” he quipped in an apparent reference to the actor’s shaved head.

The Red Table Talk host, who has spoken candidly about her hair loss from alopecia in the past, was seen rolling her eyes at the comment.

Smith then walked onstage and struck the comedian, yelling “keep my wife’s name out your f***ing mouth”.

The clip, which has gone viral, has divided viewers, with some commentators stating that Smith had done the right thing, while others felt his behaviour was out of control.

Traditional ideas of masculinity often involve a male partner who is physically more powerful than his female partner, and able and willing to use it to protect her “honour”.

This sometimes extends to violence.

Today, however, many people now perceive violence as weakness, associating it with an inability to resolve conflict through verbal communication.

While some viewers understood the apparent pain Smith appeared to feel to resort to such violence, others found his subsequent comment that “love makes you do crazy things” extremely problematic.

The phrase is one common amongst perpetrators of domestic violence, with critics arguing that it minimises violence and aims to remove accountability from aggressive behaviour.

One Twitter user wrote: “Will Smith: ‘Love will make you do crazy things’. Reminds me of ‘I’m sorry your face got in the way of my fist’. Or ‘if you hadn’t dressed like that I wouldn’t have forced myself upon you’. ‘Why did you make me hit you?!’ Ladies and gents, these are the abusers’ greatest hits.”

Other commentators felt that the incident could not be separated from issues of race and representation.

“Black people are so often belittled,” wrote author and comedian Akilah Hughes.

“The ‘it’s just jokes’ people are neither comedians nor Black people. It’s deeply symbolic. We don’t usually get nominated. Much less win. This was the culmination of all of his work, and when he should have been at his proudest he was insulted.”

She added: “He belittled his wife to a largely white, wealthy audience, on the night he was supposed to be riding on high. If you can’t understand that like how do you watch movies? You can’t understand a slap? I’m amazed. I’m really awed.”

Michelle Elman, a five-board accredited life coach, boundaries expert and author of The Joy of Being Selfish, tells The Independent: “This is a situation where complexity and nuance is needed. Violence is not the answer and we cannot equate love to violence, and it is not acceptable to joke about a woman’s illness. All of those truths can coexist.

“Unfortunately, the person who is most affected in this position is Jada; she has to deal with both the hurt from the joke and the emotional labour of her husband’s actions.

“It’s hard to speculate and mind-read what Will was feeling in the moment, but I think he will be learning the consequences to his actions already and piling on will just embed the likely guilt into shame.”

For eharmony relationship expert Rachael Lloyd, the situation is complicated.

“Perhaps no one was more surprised than Will Smith himself, when he spun up to comedian Chris Rock and landed an aggressive smack on his face,” she tells The Independent.

“His justification of the incident and the rambling that followed, suggests he knew he had lost control of himself, and though he felt fundamentally justified in defending his wife Jada, he was also experiencing feelings of shame.”

Lloyd notes that for many women, losing one’s hair can be a very challenging experience, “particularly in looks-conscious Hollywood.”

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith with their family in 2016 (Getty)

She adds: “Plus, we have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Perhaps Will has witnessed his wife’s distress at her hair loss along with the couple’s children and had been a shoulder to cry on. If this is the case, is it any wonder that Rock’s jibe triggered him so much?

“In short, there is never justification for physically assaulting someone, unless it can be argued it’s in self-defence. At the same time, we have to at least acknowledge that Will was likely to feel profoundly triggered by an insensitive jibe made at his family’s expense.”

Lloyd also argues that Smith’s early-years experiences may have played a factor in his behaviour.

“The actor grew up witnessing domestic violence and felt ashamed that he didn’t challenge his father for attacking his mother,” she says.

“So, above all, this dramatic retaliation was potentially misplaced. Perhaps it was the thump Will wished he’d landed on his father all those years ago, for attacking his mother when he felt too small and vulnerable to intervene.

“And while we might admire the traits Will displayed towards the mother of his children such as a loyalty and protectiveness, he nevertheless owes Chris Rock an apology for the way he chose to handle the situation, primarily for his own peace of mind.”

Alopecia UK, a charity supporting people living with hair loss, said in a statement: “Alopecia UK does not condone violence in any form.

“Dealing with unwelcome remarks and being the butt of jokes is sadly an all too real part of having alopecia. This just adds to the distress and challenges faced by people with alopecia.

“In a world where it’s unacceptable to make jokes about someone’s race, sexuality or disability, we believe the same should apply to jokes about visible difference. Such remarks or jokes should be called out as unacceptable or inappropriate.”

Journalist and disability activist Dr Frances Ryan added on Twitter: “No excuse for violence or toxic masculinity but also… women’s health problems are not material for your jokes.

“If you’re making fun of a woman for not meeting your beauty standards because of disability, you are officially a giant a**ehole. Just a really big s**t.”