Love Island: Why searching for your ‘soulmate’ might be ruining your dating life
Looking for ‘The One’ could be what is stopping you from finding one you really care about
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Your support makes all the difference.Ekin-Su Cülcüloğlu and Davide Sanclimenti have been named the winning couple of Love Island 2022, after a tumultuous journey on the show.
The Turkish actress from Essex, 27, and Italian business owner, also 27, won over viewers with their fiery but passionate relationship and became firm fan favourites, even being dubbed “Mum and Dad” by many Twitter users.
As they declared their love for one another in the traditional end of season vows, Cülcüloğlu said: “It’s been a hell of a ride for us. They say Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither were we. I love being together. The Turkish Delight and the Italian Stallion, perfect for one another. You are my soulmate.”
Lovely sentiments, sure, but is looking for your ‘soulmate’ actually a good thing in the search for love? Many relationship experts say no – and here’s why….
It creates too much pressure
Jessica Alderson, co-founder and relationship expert at So Syncd (sosyncd.com) believes that the idea of ‘soulmates’ can be toxic.
“You can end up putting too much pressure on the relationship and setting unrealistic expectations,” she says. “It’s normal for couples to disagree and to have to work on things. The concept of a soulmate can imply that your relationship should be perfect and harmonious at all times, but this just isn’t realistic.”
Instead of pushing to find someone who immediately feels like ‘the one’, you might find more happiness giving potential relationships the energy to grow and develop.
You may lower your standards for the wrong person
Problems arise if you think you’ve found your ‘soulmate’ and you put them on a pedestal. It can make you blind to red flags, or ignore issues that crop up and need addressing.
“You can end up overly focusing on your ‘soulmate’ which can result in you lowering your standards,” says Alderson. “It isn’t healthy to think that a single person is your only route to true love, because if you are in this mindset, you are far more likely to struggle to set healthy boundaries, which means you can end up putting up with behaviours that make you unhappy.”
It can be all consuming
If all you want is to find your ‘other half’, you might be missing out on some other, pretty amazing, parts of life.
Alderson agrees: “If you are set on finding your ‘soulmate’, you can miss out on other opportunities in life, whether it’s spending time with friends, working on your passions, or dating other people who might be more compatible. Like with everything, there’s a healthy balance to be found.
“It’s completely natural to want to feel a romantic connection, but you shouldn’t obsess over finding the ‘perfect’ person. If you get too hung up on this, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
“It’s much better to approach dating from a mindset of wanting to have fun, and get to know the other person. If you are too focused on a specific outcome, you’ll struggle to relax and, as a result, you’ll find it harder to build deep connections.”
You miss out on a whole world of variety
There is a lot of merit in exploring the dating pool and meeting different sorts of people – purely to see where it may take us.
“There is a lot we can learn from dating lots of different types of people. It can help us to understand our own preferences and what we are looking for in a partner,” says Alderson. “It’s common for people to think that they are looking for certain traits when it comes to dating, but they usually find that not all of them are as important as they expected.
“There are people who thought they could never date someone with certain characteristics but, after getting to know them, they find that they aren’t as big a deal as they thought.”
Instead, focus on the fun of dating, she advises.
“Aim to have fun rather than find your soulmate. It’s a win-win situation. When you approach dating with the mindset of wanting to have fun, not only will you have more enjoyable experiences, but you’ll also be more attractive to others.”