Woman shares her ‘rule of three’ technique to setting healthy boundaries

‘Once is communicating, twice is reminding, three times is begging’

(Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Setting boundaries in friendships and romantic relationships isn’t always easy, which is why one TikTok user has gone viral for sharing her easy to follow “rule of three” technique for communicating when you just need some space.

Kelsey, who goes by the username @heymisskelsey on TikTok, posted her video in March, where it has since gained more than 250k likes on the platform. As she filmed herself applying makeup, Kelsey explained to her followers the rule of three technique that has helped her establish boundaries in her own relationships.

“Something that has really helped me establish boundaries with people is my rule of three,” she began the video. “If I have to tell you something once, okay, I’m telling you once. I’m bringing up the problem. I’m establishing the boundary or the issue that I’m having.”

“If I have to tell you twice, okay, I’m telling you twice,” she continued. “I’m going to give people the same grace that I would like to be given. So, if I really care about you, I don’t mind bringing up something twice.”

She went on to add: “But if I have to tell you something three times, you can kiss my whole entire Black ass and I will cut you off without warning.”

Kelsey then explained exactly why this tip works for her as a helpful tool to set boundaries. “I love this tip because when I cut somebody off, I never hear from them again because they know exactly why I’m not talking to them,” she said.

“It’s also a great way to see who respects you and who doesn’t and if you don’t respect me, you don’t take my feelings into consideration, then we have no business being friends.”

Setting boundaries refers to the limits we set for other people, according to Psychology Today. These limits indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards us, whether these boundaries are physical or emotional.

Kelsey’s advice resonated with many people on TikTok, who praised Kelsey for her rule of three method. Others provided their own tips for setting boundaries in the comments section.

“Girl I needed this because people act like I’m tripping when I already told them the deal,” one person commented. “Sometimes when my people do things to me that I’d never to do them, I just cut off with no warning. Because I deserve people who will treat me how I treat them.”

Another person wrote: “Like they say, three strikes and you’re OUT!”

One person reminded fellow TikTok users: “Once is communicating, twice is reminding, three times is begging – and we do not beg.”

“BUT CAN THIS APPLY TO MY JOB???? Please,” another TikToker asked.

The answer is yes. The importance of setting healthy boundaries doesn’t just apply to relationships. We can also establish boundaries in our workplace settings. And feeling like you have to provide an explanation as to why you are setting a boundary is perhaps the hardest part in establishing them in the first place.