Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson reportedly split – again: How to break cycle of on-and-off relationships
On-off relationships can be complicated and difficult to end, says Liz Connor
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Your support makes all the difference.Khloe Kardashian and her on-off boyfriend Tristan Thompson have reportedly called time on their relationship once again.
The news of their break-up comes in the wake of new cheating allegations. Amid the reports, Kardashian took to Instagram to share a string of inspirational quotes, including one particularly cryptic passage from the writer Stephanie Bennett-Henry.
It reads: “I’m at peace because I know I was always true, had the best intentions, came from a good place with all of my heart, and I with the very best to everyone, even the ones who wanted nothing more than to spotlight the ugliest parts of me, still I wished them well. I always will.”
Relationships end for many reasons, but it can be difficult to cut the cord when you still have strong feelings for your partner.
If you’re wondering how to go cold turkey on your on-again, off-again partner, experts say it can require lots of willpower and a strong mindset that involves putting yourself first.
1. Cut them off
“The first step in any breakup is to take their number out of your phone and remove their email from your contacts,” says Lucy Keaveny, transformational divorce and relationship coach. “If they do try to get in touch with you, leave it for at least 24 hours before you reply.
“Remember that while getting in contact with your ex initially feels good, you’re also being pulled back into the heightened state of conflict and anxiety you experienced in the relationship, which isn’t going to help your wellbeing in the long run.”
2. Avoid their social media
Katie Lasson, sex therapist for Peaches and Screams says: “Getting over a relationship can be seriously hampered by social networks where you can keep tabs your ex-partner, directly or indirectly. To speed up the healing process, it is important not to keep checking up on what you’re ex is doing, as it’ll only play on your mind.
“It’s also a good idea to avoid meeting with mutual friends, who may inevitably give you information about what your ex is up to.”
3. Focus on your needs, not your partner’s
Keaveny says: “If people are in an on-off cycle, it’s generally because they’re not taking responsibility for where they want to be in their romantic relationships.
“The important thing is to listen to your intuition and recognise when a relationship doesn’t have any legs. Part of that involves really understanding what you desire and need in a relationship, enough to pull away when something feels like it isn’t delivering.”
4. Communicate your boundaries
“Communicating about what your needs and desires are in a relationship is vital,” notes Keaveny. “If you want a full-time, committed relationship but your partner wants to stay casual, or they’re acting in a casual manner and playing the field, then it’s important for your own wellbeing to communicate that it isn’t what you want.”
5. Remember who you are outside of the relationship
“Value yourself enough to say ‘no’ to getting back into a relationship that doesn’t fulfil you or allow you to feel happy,” adds Keaveny. “There can be an avoidance with on-off relationships, where it feels easier to jump back into old ways as an ex-partner can be a source of comfort. Unfortunately, break-ups are painful and you need to take the time and courage to do the work.”
Lasson agrees: “Now’s a good time to focus on yourself and look for new interests and hobbies. You could even turn your new found independence towards a new business project or creative work.”
6. Give it time
“It might feel painful at first, but remember it [allegedly] takes 40 days to set a habit, whether that’s giving up drinking or saying goodbye to an ex partner,” stresses Keaveny. “If you can get past that 40 day point with no contact, you’ll soon find that you living without the relationship is much easier. If you’re breaking contact every couple of weeks however, you’re not giving enough time for that new habit to set in.”
She adds: “If you’re struggling with willpower, you could even set a little note in your calendar for 40 days’ time, ticking each day off as it comes and celebrating every time you make a choice to prioritise your own happiness.”