Mother reveals how imposter syndrome left her ‘in a constant state of fear’
'I felt like a fraud'
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Your support makes all the difference.A young Nevada-based mother has revealed the truth about imposter syndrome new mothers can feel in a candid Facebook post.
Writing to the members of her Ultimate Mom Challenge Facebook group, Celeste Erlach explained how she “felt like a fraud” during the first six months of her son’s life and was living in a “constant state of fear”.
Her post has been met with a flurry of supportive comments from fellow mothers praising Erlach for her honesty and for sharing her relatable story.
“There was a moment following the birth of my first child when I came to a powerfully heartbreaking realisation... the light switch on how to be a mom would never flip,” she begins.
“Worse yet, there IS NO light switch. The assumption I carried my whole life that birthing a baby would predicate a universal understanding on how to raise a child was, in fact, bogus.”
Erlach went on to explain how she kept waiting for “mommy intuition” to kick and show her how to behave like a mother, but instead, she was left fearing for her child’s life at every possible moment, constantly asking herself; “Is he breathing? Is he eating? Is he choking?”
“I was drowning in self-doubt, terror, and regret,” she adds, confessing that her friends and family actually made the situation worse by telling her to “enjoy these precious moments” while her child was still so young.
“I wanted this moment to be over. I wanted to fast forward to a time where my baby was self-sufficient, healthy and strong," she continues, "where I could look at him wistfully and know he was going to be OK. Things will be easier when he can hold up his head... start to crawl... start to eat solids... On and on, the fear followed me like a shadow, never satisfied with the present moment.”
The young mother, who is in her mid-30s, explained how her feelings ultimately changed to guilt and left her feeling like she didn’t deserve her child.
It’s only now that Erlach is able to look back retrospectively that she is able to see just how hard she was working and how well she was doing.
“Looking back, I want to shake that fragment of a mother and infuse some strength in her,” she writes.
“You are worthy! You are deserving! You can do this! This is your baby and you are capable. There is no one more qualified for raising this little human than you. You will be scared. You will be tested. You will cry, and scream, and feel more emotion in a day than you've felt your whole life. But you are good. You are beautiful. You are a child of God.”
She concludes by saying that the “mommy intuition” she had always assumed would naturally come never did arrive, but that she learned more and more about motherhood with experience.
“It did not come easy. It did not come intuitively. But it's here, it's real, and I'm glad.”
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