How a second child changes the family dynamic
To avoid your first child feeling left out, you can involve them in choosing a name if they are old enough
Your support helps us to tell the story
This election is still a dead heat, according to most polls. In a fight with such wafer-thin margins, we need reporters on the ground talking to the people Trump and Harris are courting. Your support allows us to keep sending journalists to the story.
The Independent is trusted by 27 million Americans from across the entire political spectrum every month. Unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock you out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. But quality journalism must still be paid for.
Help us keep bring these critical stories to light. Your support makes all the difference.
Deciding to try for a baby is one of the biggest decisions we will make in our lives, perhaps even ahead of tying the knot or buying a house. But what about whether and indeed when to have another? You may not expect it, until you yourself are deliberating it, but this can be an equally daunting conundrum.
The arrival of Kate and William’s second child is likely to spark countless conversations up and down the country amongst couples who are considering adding to their brood. Not all will be in agreement of course – at Relate we see couples who are at odds about this very topic.
In some cases, one partner is desperate to have another child, whereas the other has reservations. Other couples may be adamant that they want to do it all over again, but they just aren’t sure about the timing. For single mums and dads, circumstances may have changed since they had their first child and there may be other people to consider, such as new partners.
If you’re one of the many parents left in two minds, be reassured by the fact you’re not alone. Accept that it’s totally normal to change your mind from day to day, being raring to go one minute and experiencing major cold feet the next.
It’s impossible for anyone other than you and your partner to say when the best time is for you to have a second child, or even if you are better off sticking with one. However, there are a number of things worth considering to make the decision making process a little easier.
Are we both on the same page?
Talk openly and frankly about whether this is something you both want, raising any concerns at the earliest opportunity. It’s one thing to protect your partner’s feelings, but quite another to go along with something you’re uncomfortable with. If your discussions unearth different needs and aspirations, think about coming up with a compromise.
Who can help take off the pressure?
The demanding routine of nappy changing, feeding and attending to your crying baby during the night can lead to a significant lack of sleep. Unsurprisingly, this can have a knock on effect on your work life, social life and not to mention your sex life! Never be afraid to ask for help and discuss options with your nearest and dearest, even before the baby arrives. Maybe see if a friend would be willing to share babysitting duties with you so you and your partner can still go on that all important date night.
How healthy are our finances?
If you already have a child, you’ll know that being a parent can be expensive. Although you can save money this time through hand-me-down clothes and baby equipment, you’ll still have to budget for food and childcare. Under the current law, all 3 to 4-year-olds in England can get 570 hours of free early education or childcare per year, which some parents consider when deciding how much of a gap to leave between children. Of course this could all change following the election, so it’s worth checking out what each political party is proposing in terms of childcare.
How will it affect the family dynamic?
When you introduce a second child, the family dynamic will inevitably change. This can be really positive: your first child will have a sibling to play with and confide in but it will also mean more demands on your energy and less alone time. To avoid your first child feeling left out, you can involve them in choosing a name if they are old enough. It also helps to put one parent in charge of the older child on days out while the other looks after the baby so that you give your children equal attention.
Denise Knowles is a Relate Counsellor and Sex Therapist. The charity offers information, advice and counselling for all stages of your relationships, including family counselling
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments