Grandmother praised for refusing to babysit daughter’s newborn unless she’s paid $20 an hour

‘Maybe don’t have a child if you can’t afford to take care of them,’ one person says

A 29-year-old woman was in for a rude awakening when she asked the internet if her mother was in the wrong for refusing to babysit her newborn for free.

“Am I the a**hole if my mom refused to help me take care of my baby while I go back to work?” u/erika_urrrika asked the popular Reddit forum. In her post, the new mother wrote that both she and her partner work full-time and cannot afford to have one parent stay home with their baby.

The Redditor explained that their jobs don’t allow them to work from home, and they wanted to avoid spending money on childcare. In addition to being the breadwinner of the household, she is also saving money to pay off credit card debt and move to a bigger apartment.

However, the grandmother refused to look after her grandchild for free, noting that she was “too old” and had “already raised her kids”.

“Mind you, my mom is 64, has been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom since 1992, and hasn’t been part of the workforce since then,” the daughter wrote. “She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a ‘traditional’ family, and that if she any my dad were able to work it out, so can we.”

When the Reddit user detailed her financial situation to her mother, she asked to be compensated $20 an hour for each hour she looks after her grandchild, including late fees for pickup.

“So, am I the a**hole for wanting my mom, who again is at home all day long (trust me, she does not do anything besides watch TV and cook meals), to take care of my baby for free while me and my partner try to fix our finances?” she asked.

In the comments, many Reddit users called the daughter “entitled” for expecting her mother to take care of her child for free.

AITA if my mom refused to help me take care of my baby while I go back to work?
by u/erika_urrrika in AmItheAsshole

“Sorry to be blunt and rude but maybe don’t have a child if you can’t afford to take care of them,” replied one person. “And if your plan was always to go back to work you should have discussed that during the pregnancy with your mom.”

“Your mother is under no obligation to babysit for you,” another user said. “Why are you having a child you don’t seem to know what to do with? And why have you not worked all this out before now?”

A third person wrote: “Your mom is in no way obligated to care for YOUR BABY. It’s generous of her to be willing to do it for pay, and you have the gall to be mad she won’t do it for free? She is entitled to spend her life and free time however the hell she wants. It’s not her fault you’re in debt and decided to have a baby you can’t afford. The only thing she may have done wrong at some point along the line is raise you to be this horribly entitled.”

“You chose to have a child, not your mother. Your mother isn’t a free babysitter,” another said. “She is right, she raised her children. Her babysitting on occasion would be kind and appreciated but you sound entitled thinking you are owed childcare.”

One person simply commented, “You’re not the a**hole for wanting her too. But you’re the a**hole for expecting her to.”

According to Sittercity, the average hourly rate of babysitters in the US in 2023 is $18.50 per hour, while the average hourly rate of nannies who “typically work on a full-time or set schedule basis” is $20 an hour.

This isn’t the first time a babysitter has caused a stir on Reddit. Recently, a woman sparked a debate after revealing that she asked a family who cancelled on her babysitting services last minute to pay her half of the $840 she planned to charge them.

The babysitter told Reddit’s AITA forum that she usually charges a “flat rate of $100 a night” while babysitting overnight. “Overall, the price for those three days was going to be $840,” she said. But when she received a text from the parents cancelling her babysitting services, she explained that she was “out three days pay”.

In response to the last-minute cancellation, she asked the customer for $480, the “minimum [she’d] make at work in those three days”. She said the mother declined the request and said she was being “ridiculous”.

While the babysitter noted that she and the family didn’t have a contract, “which in hindsight was stupid” and that “legally they don’t have to pay” her, she still felt that the right thing for the family to do was pay her.