The Independent's journalism is supported by our readers. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn commission.
What's it like to disappear for years without telling anyone?
Your support helps us to tell the story
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.
Your support makes all the difference.I did this in 2001. I moved 260 miles from home with a girl I had met only a few weeks previously. I didn't tell anyone I was going, I simply went to a new area and created a completely new life.
The circumstances surrounding my 'disappearance' were simple, I believed I had nothing and wanted to go in search of something – I didn't even know what I was looking for but I knew that being away from everyone and everything I knew would mean that I wouldn't have anyone to judge me in my new circle.
About a year later I made contact with my sister and nieces – then my mum.
I had just started to regain my family and was due to 'come home' and see my dad on 23 November, 2003, who I hadn't spoken to since I left. He had died without warning two days earlier.
In answer to the question, it was the decision that left me with 'demons' that I can never get rid of. If you're thinking of leaving, take a moment to realise that returning may never be possible.
In the mid-Eighties, when I was 20, my best friend disappeared and was presumed dead while we were traveling. I was unfairly accused by both his family and mine of foul play (and later cleared of all suspicion, rightly so). But during that time, I left the US and returned to Europe, though my immediate family never knew where I was.
Being unmoored from my childhood and all I had known, I have had to reconstruct my sense of self away from all my friends and family.
Receiving counselling from the right person helped me greatly in allowing myself to be who I was becoming rather than who I had been. And secondly, after my parents died (one in 2005, one in 2010), I felt freed from that need to hide that had haunted me for so long.
Despite the intense loneliness I experienced for much of my adult life, being disappeared for so long allowed me both the challenge and privilege of learning to be intrinsically and authentically me.
I once picked up a hitchhiker who was going 'home' after a 26-year absence. He was excited to see his old home town after all those years, but when we got there, nothing was as he remembered it. The house he grew up in had been torn down years ago. None of the people he remembered were there any more. The school he went to had been converted to a girl scout camp. The stores he went to as a kid were all gone. Nothing was the same. Home was but a fading memory, and when he left, he was in a state of shock. The roots he had held on to for all those years were gone.
This is an edited answer from What's it like to disappear for years without telling anyone? which originally appeared on Quora: The best answer to any question. Ask a question, get a great answer. Learn from experts and get insider knowledge. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+.
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments