Shibari: A couple explain the appeal of Japanese rope bondage

“The things that get publicised are whips and chains and gimps. But there’s a huge range of activities”

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With its grandfather clock, plush furnishings and marble Victorian fireplace, Bruce and Nina’s south London living-room offers little sign that it’s a bondage chamber – until you notice the substantial metal ring dangling from the ceiling, and the long poles, like curtain rods, from which mountaineering carabiners hang like silver bats…

Bruce (50-something) and Nina (32) are professional exponents of shibari, Japanese rope bondage. They perform half-hour displays in which Bruce trusses Nina in elaborate knots, feeding the long ropes through his hands like a graceful matelot, to the soundtrack of The Draughtsman’s Contract. They are key figures in British BDSM circles, pioneers of “group tuition” and co-founders of the London Festival of Bondage.

“Many people think of it,” says Bruce, “as secretaries bound to office chairs with nylon rope or hogtied housewives on kitchen floors – this is very different. I’d describe it as aerial tango, done with flow and passion. When people put their heart and soul into it – well, I’ve seen people in tears after being tied. They say, ‘I’ve no idea why I’m crying, I’m just so happy.’ It unblocks some emotional dam.”

What does Bruce think the tied-up get from it? “Some people say it has a meditative effect,” he says. “It silences the chatter of the everyday.”

A Shibari performance in Russia

How does Nina feel when she’s tied up? “I think about how my body looks, how the public sees it. I have a better awareness of myself, of my body, my brain, my psychology, and a better understanding of other people. The sexual part is only a small component for me, it’s not what I’m doing bondage for. It’s about personal growth.”

The couple insist that they occupy the gentler end of the BDSM spectrum. “The things that get publicised are whips and chains and gimps. But there’s a huge range of activities, and lots are non-violent.”

Had they read 50 Shades of Grey? “I read some pages,” said Bruce, “but it seemed to be the usual don’t-quite-get-it, mainstream formula: ‘He had a screwed-up childhood -- that explains why he’s keen on this stuff.’ The truth is, there are several shades of grey, not black and white, about sex. People who’d never admit they’re into kinky stuff, how many of them get off on having their back clawed or their arse slapped or being bitten? And I can’t think of a red-blooded man who doesn’t think the Catwoman outfit is hot.”

Isn’t tying up someone as a parcel dangerous? “In bondage there can be protocols and slave contracts, forms of address, positions you must assume, behavior and etiquette – it all comes from the military, doing as you’re told on the parade ground. But we aren’t trying to hurt people, we’re trying to make them more comfortable.” Is it still erotic, tying each other up? “We don’t tie each other a lot in private – when we do its usually in a sexual context.” They smiled at each other. “I like something said by a doctor friend of ours,” said Bruce. “She says, ‘These are adult games, with orgasms for prizes.’ ”