How parents can help support trans children – as long waits for gender care revealed

Having non-judgemental conversations with your child about how they feel can help them feel safe and accepted.

(Alamy/PA)

The number of under-18s on the waiting list for their first appointment for gender care in England and Wales has risen to more than 5,700.

A freedom of information request by the PA news agency found that the average waiting time for a first appointment was 100 weeks, as of May 31.

So what can parents and carers do during the anxious wait to support their child?

Listen to your child

“Listen to your child and take it slow,” recommends Cleo Madeleine, communications coordinator and spokesperson for trans-led organisation Gendered Intelligence. “Most young people will be quite confused and will just want a safe environment to talk about things like gender and sexuality.

“If parents can support their young people by providing a space to have those conversations it starts really healthy open communication.”

Madeleine advises any parents who are unsure about how to have these conversations to seek information and support from organisations such as Gendered Intelligence and Mermaids.

Avoid conflict and judgement

Confrontation can close doors to future productive conversations, so remain calm and supportive.

“Remember that it doesn’t have to be a fight,” says Madeleine. “Reactions that are angry, dismissive or confrontational can actually send a message to your child that they were wrong to open up and that it is not safe to have that conversation.

“Try not to bring judgement forwards and try, at least at first, to hold off on telling your child what you think and give them some time to talk about how they are feeling.”

Ask them what they want

Everyone is different, so find out exactly what your child wants and needs.

“There isn’t any one way of exploring your gender, or any one way of being trans, so the kind of support your child needs will be different for everyone,” explains Madeleine. “It all comes back to sitting down with your child and asking them, ‘What do you want and where do you see this going?’

“Some young people who are exploring gender identity might want to try out a different name or pronouns or want to change the way that they dress and present themselves to the world.

“It has got to be a conversation of what is best for them and what will make them happiest.”

Follow safeguarding procedures for bullyingLet the school know if your child is being bullied.

“There are some situations where children fall out and say hurtful things and in these cases what is needed is a conversation,” says Madeleine. “But if there is sustained harassment and violent bullying then going through a formal safe guarding process is probably best.

“Talk to their school as they should have a designated safeguarding lead in place to help manage this.”

Get professional support

If you child is displaying symptoms of depression or anxiety, seek professional help.

“If you are worried about your child’s mental health, they can be prescribed NHS counselling via a referral from your GP,” says Madeleine. “If their school is also concerned they can refer your child to youth mental health services.”

However, the waiting list for these services can be extremely long so Madeleine also recommends seeing if there are any local support groups in your area or online.

Find them a communityHaving like-minded people to talk to can really help a child who may feel isolated.

“One of the big contributing factors to poor mental health in young trans people is isolation,” explains Madeleine. “If you are being bullied at school or are seeing people like you being talked about in the news in a negative way it can make you feel really alone.

“Gendered Intelligence runs youth groups in London, Leeds and online for a variety of different age groups and that are aimed at giving young trans people a space to share their experiences with people like them and to support each other and build communities.

“If there is a local pride organisation that you can introduce your young person to that can also be really helpful. Having a sense of community or people to connect with can be really beneficial.”