The Nightmare Before Christmas: UK bubble limits risk causing family fall-outs ahead of festive season

After weeks of uncertainty, family reunions have been given the green light but with gatherings limited to just three households, not everyone is convinced. Sarah Young speaks to families divided over the new rules

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Christmas is supposed to be the most magical time of the year, but for some of us it’s also the most stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who to spend 25 December with.

From clashes with the in-laws to visiting multiple groups of friends and extended family, knowing how to divide your time between different homes is often a major source of tension and, regrettably, it seems this year things are only going to get worse.

After weeks of speculation about how the festive season will look in the age of coronavirus, the government and devolved administrations have agreed a temporary easing of measures that will allow three households to mix in a “Christmas bubble” from 23 to 27 December.

In a joint statement, they said: “Even where it is within the rules, meeting with friends and family over Christmas will be a personal judgement for individuals to take, mindful of the risks to themselves and others, particularly those who are vulnerable.”

While the new rules mean that we will be able to meet up with others this Christmas, the strict three-household limit means that people are likely to face even more difficult decisions about who will make the cut.  If you have multiple siblings, be prepared to battle it out because only two of you can see mum and dad leaving the others to spend it alone or seek out similarly deserted singletons to bubble up with, while couples will also be forced to manage family fireworks as they decide which set of parents to visit.

For many people, this Christmas is going to feel like a juggling act, especially for large or blended families where there might be competing agendas. On Twitter, several people have already shared their fears of family fall-outs provoked by the concept of exclusive bubbling. “I have two sisters and all three of us live away from home in separate households,” one person wrote. “WhatsApp family group chat currently deciding which of us have made the cut for Christmas Day at our parents, and who hasn’t. This must be peak 2020.” Another person agreed, commenting: “I have three siblings. Do I call mum now to gracefully bow out? I'm her least favourite child but dad's favourite”, while Robert Peston, ITV News' political editor, wrote: “I don't know about you, but I am not looking forward to our household's debate about our two favourite other households. The choice for some will be nightmarish.”

The comments that are flooding social media appear to be articulating a discussion that many households are now having both behind closed doors and in family WhatsApp groups: Who is going to make the guest list?

Miles, 48, from Surrey, is just one of many people across the UK facing this dilemma. With his own parents and sister, as well as his parents and sister-in-law to consider, he feels as though leaving any party out in the metaphoric cold is not an option, especially after such a tumultuous year. “The people of this country deserve a break and reward for the sacrifices that they have been forced to make by the government during 2020. It is horrendous that families are being forced to choose between those they spend this precious time with,” he says. “Under these rules my wife and I are forced to choose – one side of the family or the other. As far as I am concerned this does not mean Christmas is saved, it means Christmas is ostensibly ruined.”

This does not mean Christmas is saved, it means Christmas is ostensibly ruined

Miles says that while he will have a “sensible discussion” with his nearest and dearest about the rules, he remains undecided as to whether his family will stick to the government’s rules over concerns that it may be the last Christmas they will have together. “Christmas is Christmas and when older people are involved there is no guarantee that they will be here next year when things are supposed to be back to normal, so we should be allowed to enjoy it,” he adds. “We have all earned the right to enjoy Christmas.”

Tom, 34, from Worthing, says he is going to be faced with a difficult decision as he comes from a blended family, which requires taking not only the needs of his child, but also both sets of grandparents, into consideration over the holidays. “The rules have the potential to cause friction,” he says. “My son lives with me half of the week, and it's confusing to think that if he can go between mine and his mums freely, visiting what would be two sets of grandparents, his mum, her partner and their kids, then why is it not an issue for anyone else to do the same? I didn't know the virus could discern between children who are in split households and those who are not. If I choose to select certain family members ahead of others there will be upset caused.”

Like Miles, Tom says he is taking the government’s advice seriously but admits that he is still deciding what to do, adding that the Dominic Cummings saga in May might influence his decision. “I don't want to bend or break the rules because I take this seriously. On the other hand, when MPs and government officials are publicly flouting the very rules they have applied to us all, it does make me question this whole stance of ‘we're all in this together’.”

There are of course others who plan on ignoring the rules regardless and are already sending out invites to multiple groups of friends and family. Gemma, 34, from Kent, says she has already invited four households round for Christmas day. “I personally don't have an issue with bending the bubble rules slightly. As long as everyone is sensible there's no need for exclusion over the festive period,” she says.

The thought of loved ones alone at Christmas is worth breaking the rules for

“This year has been tough for so many and having a day to celebrate together is totally justified. I have told everyone that if they don't feel comfortable with being with other people then that's totally fine. I don't want anyone to feel pressured or uncomfortable but for me the thought of loved ones alone at Christmas is worth breaking the rules for.”

While perhaps the most sensible option would be to do away with family gatherings altogether and instead celebrate with our loved ones online, the fear of loneliness at this time of year has only been heightened by the pandemic. While serious sibling wars and family fall outs are almost inevitable when it comes to deciding who gets a seat at the Christmas table, it seems that much of this distress comes down to genuine concern that any changes to traditional plans could leave loved ones hurt and possibly alone.