14 ways to help kids with back-to-school anxiety
Experts share their top tips for parents and carers. By Lisa Salmon.
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Your support makes all the difference.Going back to school, or starting at a new one, can be an exciting time – but many children might also feel anxious.
Whether it’s worrying about making friends, coping with schoolwork or exams, or simply saying goodbye to the freedom of the summer holidays, the root of back-to-school anxiety can vary.
“The time off might have eased academic pressure or provided a break from difficult situations children are facing at school,” says Stevie Goulding, senior manager for parents and carers services at young people’s mental health charity, YoungMinds.
“It can be quite common for a child to be anxious about going back to school, but there are some signs to look out. Trust your instincts, and do reach out for help if you need it,” Goulding adds.
So, what are the signs to look out for, and what can parents and carers do to help?
1. Reassure them their feelings are normalBritish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) accredited psychotherapist Heidi Soholt, says: “It’s very normal for children to feel anxious about going back or starting school. Anxiety is often triggered by the prospect of change, and children are just as vulnerable to this as adults.
“It can be helpful to reassure your child that their feelings are normal and understandable, given the changes involved in transitioning from summer holiday to school routines and schedules.”
2. Explain their feelings will soon changeSoholt adds: “Anxiety is about the unknown and will usually settle once a child becomes more familiar with school. It may be helpful to explain this to your child, perhaps using your own examples of how anxiety can build and then drop away after getting used to a new situation.”
3. Tell them even their teachers might feel anxious
The fact even teachers can feel a bit nervous about the start of a new term may help children put their feelings into perspective. “Your child may find this comforting to know,” says Soholt. “Reassure your child that everyone experiences this, and that although anxiety can feel unpleasant, it isn’t harmful or a sign that they won’t manage.”
4. Look out for physical symptoms“Worry and anxiety can show up in different ways,” says psychotherapist Anna Mathur, author of The Uncomfortable Truth (published August 8 by Penguin Life, £16.99), which is all about taming fears. “In children, much like adults, anxiety can show itself through tummy aches, disrupted nights, unrelated worries or irritability. A child might not be able to verbalise exactly what they’re worried about, but their body and behaviour may be sharing the message instead.
“Change and newness are mental and physiological stressors, even if the change is positive and long-awaited.”
5. Remind them you have faith in them
Soholt says parents should make it clear they have confidence in their child’s abilities, and reassure them they have lots of support: “Remind them of times they’ve coped in the past, and that feeling anxious is ok and part of being human.”
6. Be aware their feelings may changeMathur points out that feelings come and go, and don’t always make sense. “Excitement might roll into worry, which might roll into questions about the school routine,” she says. “Try to withhold any ’should’ statements, such as ‘you should feel excited to meet new friends’, which may shut down your child’s line of communication. Feelings will change and shift as time moves towards September.”
7. Get them involved in back-to-school prepSoholt says apprehension linked to change can be helped by involving your child in preparations before the start of school. For example – packing their school bag, getting their uniform ready, meeting friends, and exploring routes to school.
8. Start the school routine earlyGetting your child into a regular routine of sleeping, waking and eating at regular times at least a week before the start of school can also help them (and you!) cope with the transition, says Soholt.
9. Share your own experiencesWhen you’re doing something with your child, talk light-heartedly about feelings and change, suggests Mathur. “Perhaps share some gentle insights into your own school experiences and talk about the differing emotions you felt, paving the way for them to talk about their own feelings.”
10. Ask what will help them feel less anxious
It can be tempting for parents to go into ‘fix’ mode, offering advice and solutions. But asking your child what they think would be helpful may be the best idea, says Soholt. “Asking a child for their opinion can empower them by giving them a sense of control over the situation,” she explains.
11. Help them build familiarityHelp orientate them with all the back-to-school ‘newness’ by letting things become familiar before term starts. Perhaps leave a new school jumper in full view so they can get used to it, let them start wearing their school socks early.
“Maybe you take walks near their school, tracing the new school run, or plan some playdates so new friends don’t feel so new – this is a nice way to add some familiarity into what will feel quite new,” says Mathur.
12. Ask if there’s anything specific they’re worried aboutSoholt says it may be helpful to explore whether your child’s worries are related to anything specific, such as bullying or coping with learning, and whether support needs to be put in place.
“It can be useful to draw up an action plan with your child, based on what is and isn’t within their control to change,” she suggests. “Issues such as bullying or learning problems can be alleviated by working with schools to put in appropriate support.”
13. Talk about the positivesHelping your child identify aspects of school they find more positive could help them, says Soholt. “Fostering a more nuanced perception of school will help your child manage their anxiety.”
14. Think about seeking help if it carries onIf your child’s anxieties persist beyond a normal ‘settling in’ period, and interfere with their ability to socialise or learn, it could be helpful to contact a professional trained in supporting children with anxiety. Soholt says: “Therapeutic interventions such as play therapy can be effective in helping children process, understand and cope with anxiety.”