GCSE results day: What to do if your child doesn’t get the grades they want

A psychologist reveals why having an open and honest discussion with your child is important

As a teenager, receiving any exam result – be it your A Levels or GCSE — can be an anxiety-inducing time, but often it can be just as stressful for a parent.

From anxiously waiting for the results to be released or not getting the grades you or your child hoped for, the process can be a tricky one to tackle – especially for parents whose children are taking exams for the first time.

Today (25 August) marks the first GCSE exam results day in three years after equivalent exams in 2020 and 2021 were replaced by teacher-assessed grades due to the pandemic.

This year’s students will see their grades purposefully lowered from the record highs seen over the past two years, which means that your child might not get the grade they had hoped for.

According to a 2021 report from Parentkind, 35 per cent of children have exam-related stress, while 53 per cent of parents felt that the high expectations from their child’s school was putting pressure on their child.

The charity said that parents play a “vital role” in helping students maintain a positive mental outlook before, during, and after exams are over and when the results come in.

What can you do if your child is anxious about their exam results?

If your child is nervous about their exam results, Dr Claire Halsey, child psychologist and advocate of the Triple P parenting programme, which supports parents to be more positive in their interactions with their children, says taking them aside for a quiet conversation could be a good idea.

“This can make it easier for them to openly express how they’re feeling,” Halsey tells The Independent. “Gently encourage them to open up, so they know it’s okay to share but that you’re not forcing the issue or wanting to put any pressure on.

“Often, distraction is a good idea. Encourage them to keep up with activities they enjoy: getting out of the house, seeing a movie, exercising, socialising and getting support from friends and family.”

How can you recognise if your child is feeling stressed?

Halsey says the most important thing for parents to do is recognise that stress is a normal response to an event like an exam.

While everyone’s response to stress is different, she says that some behavioural changes you may notice include not sleeping enough or sleeping too much, over or under eating, being quieter than usual and becoming more withdrawn, or more irritable or sensitive than usual.

“This is a nerve-wracking time for parents too, so remember that your teen will easily pick up on your emotions, and staying calm and positive is the best way to help them,” she adds.

GCSE results are expected to be lower in 2020 than the past two years (Getty Images)

What can you say to your child ahead of exam results being released?

“Try to be relaxed and positive, allowing them to feel comfortable in exploring their hopes and concerns with you,” Halsey suggests.

“It’s possible that your child may be worried they will let you down in the results they’ve achieved and this could be playing on their mind. It’s important to reassure them that this is not the case and you may relieve them of some anxiety.”

Halsey adds that it can be “difficult” for teenagers to consider alternative options, but that it’s always worth discussing a plan B with your child.

“It’s useful to help young people understand that there are always other possibilities no matter what results they get,” she explains. “Building up their resilience is something else we can encourage and an important life skill.

“For example talking through with your teen how they’ve problem solved and ‘bounced back’ from experiences in the past can remind them of how resourceful they are, especially if this has led to new opportunities previously.

“Alongside your compassion and support this can help soften the blow if their results aren’t what they wanted. And even if they are, life as an adult also means persisting through tough situations sometimes.”

What can you do if your child doesn’t get the exam result they want?

The best way to prepare both you and your child for exam results is to consider every outcome.

“Recognise that while results day is an important day in their life, there are many opportunities ahead of them too, regardless of grades,” Halsey explains.

“It goes without saying, but it’s worth remembering, that teens may simply need to hear and experience that as parents we love and care for them no matter what grade they get or where their next stage in life takes them and that we’re there to help.”

If their result is much lower than expected, Halsey said teenagers might be upset, go quiet, or want some time to be on their own for a while.

“Your teen will value your support in the background as they process what’s happened and their next steps,” she continues. “Some teens may want to take a break from social media, especially if everyone’s comparing themselves to others.”

Should you mark the occasion no matter the results?

Halsey says being led by your child on how to celebrate or mark the occasion is your best bet.

“Do recognise what they have achieved no matter what the grade,” she adds.

“Having an open, honest, positive line of communication really helps on results day. Even if their results mean choosing a different path, let them know that they have your love and support.”