The Hut, Colwell Bay: Finally, a seafood restaurant that’s not as poncy as it seems

Hannah Twiggs escapes (in style) to a beachside seafood restaurant that seems a world away from dreary London life – as long as you can look past all the poshos

The terrace is where you’ll want to while away the hours necking oysters and Painkiller cocktails – weather permitting, of course (The Hut)

Blue skies and even bluer water. Boats (the posh “sports cruiser” kind) dropping guests off on the jetty and then picking them up again a few hours later, a little louder, a little wobblier. Beachfront tables, staff in shorts and flip flops, and sunshine; glorious, you-can-actually-feel-it sunshine. You wouldn’t think you were in the UK… until you hear the ruckus of received pronunciation. But that is the main draw of The Hut on the Isle of Wight’s Colwell Bay, just a hop, skip and a short boat ride from the mainland.

I have arrived on one of the aforementioned posh sports cruisers, the Euphoria. Captained by Tony Pond and crewed by his wife Nadia, they bought the boat to escape the tedium of older age and now fund their lifestyles by chartering it from early spring through to late summer, mostly to The Hut customers. It’s the stuff of office-bound Londoners’ dreams. At around £3,000 for a Seaseeker Charter, it’s not exactly an affordable commute (their clients have included a celebrity or two), but there is a ferry and a RIB pickup for the riff raff. Oh and there’s also a helipad, but make sure you prebook because apparently there are actually people out there who take a helicopter to lunch.

Is it any wonder, then, that The Hut’s principal audience are tourists and “yachties”? Actual islanders make up such a small percentage of their guests that when I mention it to local friends or frequenters of the island, almost all of them know it, but have never been, and describe it as “a bit posh”. Perhaps it’s the Londoner in me, or even the former Cambridge townie, but that seems like a bit of a harsh reputation. Sure, there’s a lot of polo shirts and boat shoes, but the prices aren’t eye-watering compared to some seafood restaurants in the UK. At around £10-15 for starters and up to £40 for main plates, it doesn’t seem that unreasonable. Even £55 for a fruits de mer (double to include lobster), and market prices for day boat fish aren’t too painful when you’re sharing. The £140 surf and turf is the only number that raises my eyebrows, though it does include a huge Porterhouse steak and lobsters to share, and comes on a platter as wide as the table. All of that is inconsequential if you’ve paid £3,000 for a boat ride to get here, anyway.

The Hut’s signature Painkiller, right: Dark rum, pineapple and orange juice and creme de coco make for a dangerously drinkable mix (The Hut)

This is what they call a “destination restaurant”. You come here for the vibes and you stay for the mostly affordable food and pretty decent cocktails. And if you can make a day of it and split the cost with a bunch of friends for a special occasion – or just because – why not take the posh boat? Cost of living crisis? Never heard of it.

I am actually here for the food – the vibes are an added bonus. We start with snacks, which include nocellara olives, some overly dry sundried tomato and arancini balls that are difficult to finish, no-frills but juicy sauteed mini chorizos, and a pot of “crab and herb straws”, which are a flaky delight made even more moreish with a dunk into smooth and sultry brown crab mayonnaise. Naturally, we order a platter of Porthilly oysters, which are some of the freshest and plumpest I’ve had for a while, so much so they didn’t need the cursory dash of shallot vinegar or tabasco.

There’s a lot of tartare, tataki and sashimi in the starters section, so if raw isn’t your thing, you’re limited to gazpacho, gambas, “torched” mackerel, ham (yes, ham), or octopus with ’nduja, which I’m initially drawn to but we’re recommended the fish tacos and the seared tuna. The tacos, crispy morsels of battered fish with a mango and spring onion salsa, while probably the least inventive thing in this section, are perfectly demolishable. The tuna is overpowered by a questionably named “Oriental” dressing, even if the segments of pink grapefruit are a nice touch. I’m left wishing I’d ordered that octopus. Needless to say, the starters feel a bit all over the place, with some attempts at an Asian influence – a sprinkling of togarashi here, a drizzle of ponzu there – but it ultimately feels like an identity crisis.

I find this is often the case at seafood restaurants, which are sometimes hard to write about. Where seafood is done best, it’s done simply. It’s so often overdone or overworked in an attempt to stand out from the crowd – and it is a crowd. When it comes to the main event, The Hut redeems itself. This is why we’re really here: a towering stack of fruits de mer and a whole grilled plaice from the day boat, alongside an actually very good green goddess-style salad and a bowl of pretty boring provençal roast potatoes. The plaice, which general manager Jeremy kindly filets for us tableside as by this point we’ve had one too many Painkillers – their signature, dangerously drinkable cocktail – is beautifully light and fresh. We all ignore the superfluous selection of sauces and roast vegetables it’s served with.

A fruits de mer that delivers on quality and quantity, without breaking the bank (The Hut)

The fruits de mer delivers on freshness and quantity, something they often lack. There’s another helping of oysters – this is how it comes but it would have been nice to swap them out for something else as we’d already devoured a platter-ful – the crevettes and Atlantic prawns are plump and sweet; the overdone seared tuna makes another appearance but the seabass sashimi is thankfully slick and beautiful; the whelks would have benefited from some butter and garlic; the potted shrimp and pickled cockles are a nice touch and remind me of summers spent in British coastal towns where we’d pick them out of polystyrene pots with cocktail sticks. The spider crab looked spectacular on paper but with no brown meat and just the legs, it seems more hassle than it’s worth. A few missed marks in what is otherwise a glorious entry into platters at this price range. If you’d made it this far and weren’t a seafood fan, you’d be delighted to see plenty of other options, with a good salad section, “Plats” ranging from a cheeseburger to steak, and even a reasonable vegan menu (featuring vegan scallops made from hearts of palm).

To finish off, we retire upstairs to the rooftop bar for another cocktail – this time a Lonkero, with Salcombe gin, grapefruit soda, campari, lemonade and gomme syrup – and what my mum would called “picky bits”, AKA dessert canapes, of which I quite liked the mint chocolate cups. We spend the rest of our time fantasising about quitting our day jobs for a life on the sea, until the Euphoria returns and whips us out of said euphoric state and back to reality. If this is how people at The Hut live, perhaps I can forgive a few menu missteps, although I can’t help but feel like I expected a bit more from chef-director Ian Daw, formerly of The Ned. And yet, there’s a reason The Hut is in its ninth season and that even on a Wednesday they have more than 600 covers and don’t consider that to be busy. It seems a shame that locals are so put off by its clientele, but the charming and excitable brother-duo at the helm, George and Matt Adams, are not clueless about who a beachfront restaurant not two hours from central London attracts.

All my protestations aside, I still came away feeling very much like I’d had an enjoyable meal and would both recommend it and go back myself, if not to try some of the other dishes (that octopus, for one), for the serious holiday vibes just a hop, skip, an hour’s train and a quick ride on a posh sports cruiser away.

The Hut, Colwell Bay, Isle of Wight, PO40 9NP | 01983 898 637 | thehutcolwell.co.uk. For more information on chartering the Euphoria, visit their website, seaseekercharters.co.uk.