I tried Cooking With Paris and now my kitchen is covered in edible glitter

Surprises are in store for Kate Ng when she tries three recipes from Paris Hilton’s new cooking series

I admit that when I tuned into Paris Hilton’s glamorous world via her new Netflix series, Cooking With Paris, I wasn’t expecting much. I still remember her cooking bacon on an iron in The Simple Life. At the time, she was mocked mercilessly – but last year, TV network Tastemade used an iron as a “hack” to cook bacon and eggs on the road. I’m not saying Hilton is a cooking genius ahead of her time, but… maybe?

Unfortunately, I quickly discovered Hilton doesn’t cook up any new life hacks in Cooking With Paris. Instead, over the course of the show she immerses us into her glitzy, albeit extremely messy kitchen, telling viewers she is “not a trained chef, and [is] not trying to be”, breaking no fewer than two blenders along the way.

Indeed what she lacks in cooking prowess, Hilton makes up for in droves when it comes to her kitchen equipment. From Swarovski crystal-encrusted spatulas to iridescent mixing bowls and inefficient heart-shaped measuring cups, Paris knows what’s hot.

I, unfortunately, am not a hotel heiress and have nothing even close to the sort of stuff the ultra-rich flings around carelessly. My Morrisons spatula with melted edges and second-hand mixing bowls would have to do.

Her recipes ranged from exceedingly simple (adding different cheeses to elevate a boxed mac and cheese) to downright lavish (truffle butter, edible gold flakes and caviar feature in a single meal). I chose three of the most on-brand Paris recipes I could make within a reasonable budget, which happened to be all desserts of varying difficulty.

Here’s what happened when I tried Cooking with Paris.

Frosted Flakes French Toast

Frosted Flakes French Toast a la Paris Hilton (Kate Ng)

My first recipe was the Frosted Flakes French Toast from the first episode with Kim Kardashian. This was the simplest of the three recipes, and involved brioche bread, eggs, milk, vanilla essence, butter and Frosted Flakes.

The instructions seem easy: Mix eggs, milk and vanilla essence together, dip the bread in the mixture and then cover with Frosted Flakes before frying in butter. I’ve done the first two steps plenty of times before, but I found it surprisingly fiddly to cover the soaked slices in cereal. I do my best to get the flakes to stick to the very-squishy bread without tearing too many holes and quickly transfer them into the pan.

At this point, I wonder if the sugar on the Frosted Flakes will burn before the eggy slices are able to cook. I flip them frequently to stop this from happening, losing a few bits of cereal along the way. Once they are brown on both sides, I flip them onto a plate and present them to my husband, who declares (not for the first time during this project) that they look “gross”.

Ignoring him, I try it. They are sweet, but also quite tasty, you can’t really go wrong. However, I was disappointed to find that the cereal had lost all its crunchiness in the cooking, and was actually quite chewy. It wasn’t unpleasant, but I’d rather have regular French toast.

Rating: 6.5/10

Funfetti Flan Cake

A cross-section of the Funfetti Flan Cake (Kate Ng)

I would consider myself a fairly competent baker, but this recipe really confused me. Hilton makes it as part of her Taco Night recipe with rapper Saweetie and describes it as “Funfetti cake topped with classic Mexican flan”.

In searching for the origins of this cake, the closest thing I could find was a Mexican Chocoflan, also known as pastel imposible (impossible cake), which involves pouring a layer of caramel, topped with chocolate cake batter and then a Mexican custard (flan) mixture.

As the cake bakes, the cake layer separates from the flan layer, with the latter sinking to the bottom of the pan. When you turn the cake out upside down, the flan layer sits on top with the caramel because of the density of the different liquids, creating distinct layers.

I had visions of turning out the cake, only to have uncooked batter slop out all over my kitchen counter

I was intrigued, but worried that this wouldn’t work. I had visions of turning out the cake, only to have uncooked batter slop out all over my kitchen counter. I bought two kitchen rolls in case a major cleanup operation was on the horizon.

Hilton foregoes the caramel layer, instead using a boxed funfetti cake batter. This is easy enough, as it involves a blend of cream cheese, sweetened condensed milk, vanilla essence and milk. I do the same, cover the top of the cake pan with foil and place it in a water bath. I slide the whole thing into the oven, set a timer and pray to the flan gods.

The next day, after leaving the cake to cool, I tell the cat: “It’s time!” and peer inside. It looks suitably baked, so I place a plate upside down on top of the pan and flip the whole thing over, holding my breath.

The Funfetti Flan Cake (Kate Ng)

Lo and behold, it worked! I look around amazed. The flan layer is clearly a separate entity from the cake layer, and while the outer appearance leaves much to be desired, cutting into it reveals a rather attractive cake topped with a distinctive layer of flan.

I cut myself a slice, well chuffed it has worked. It tastes like a classic birthday cake, which I expected, and the flan layer is smooth and custardy, which works well. The whole thing is moist and rather too sweet, but I’m too pleased about it to care. As Hilton would say, it’s sliving.

Rating: 8/10

Unicon-oli Cannoli

Unicorn-oli Cannolis covered in sprinkles and edible pink glitter (Kate Ng)

Disaster struck at the ingredient-gathering stage when I couldn’t find cannoli shells in any local supermarkets. A quick Internet search revealed that this was a common problem – a Mumsnet forum of desperate Italian mothers decrying the lack of availability.

I resorted to ordering a pack of eight large shells from an online specialty supermarket (it was either that, or 24 small ones, and I am not prepared to commit to 24) and waited five days for them to arrive.

I had to sub the ricotta filling Hilton uses for cottage cheese (I’d like to have a word with Sainsbury’s about their lack of ricotta). I also sub the pink chocolate used by Hilton and Demi Lovato (prior to adding excessive amounts of sparkles and glitter) for white chocolate and pink food colouring because my life as a peasant surely cannot be as simple as a billionaire. C’est la vie. Watching the episode, I am determined to avoid Lovato’s fate of what looks like eating an empty chocolate-and-sprinkle-covered pastry shell.

My own attempt was largely a success but the filling failed me. As per Hilton’s instructions, I blended cottage cheese, lemon zest and icing sugar, decanted the mixture into a ziplock bag in lieu of a piping bag, and put it in the fridge until it was time to fill the shells.

I think of the backlash I would get if I posted them on Italians Mad At Food, and wince

But the mixture was too slack, (perhaps because there wasn’t enough icing sugar?), and didn’t hold its shape once the shells were filled. It wasn’t long after I took my photos and tried a bite of the cannolis before it starting dripping out and making a mess. I guess all the extra kitchen towels came in handy after all.

Covering the cannoli shells in chocolate was also hard, but that’s because I used a bowl that was slightly too small, so that was my fault, not Hilton’s. I had a grand time decorating, chucking on a bit of everything. By the time I was done, everything in my kitchen was covered in edible pink glitter – myself included.

I can’t say the finished cannolis looked very appetising. There was something biologically unappealing about the colour, and I wonder if I should’ve gone for a shocking pink instead of the fleshy-looking tubes that ended up on my plate.

They also did not taste very good, just a sugar overload with the sweet filling, chocolate, and sprinkles. I think of the backlash I would get if I posted them on Italians Mad At Food, and wince. Sorry, nonnas of the world, for my glittery pink sins.

Rating: 4.5/10