Market Hall Victoria restaurant review: A weird way to eat that wreaks havoc with conversation

What was once one of London's top super clubs has been turned into a destination to gorge yourself of eveything from tacos to dim sum, but Ed Cumming finds its setup makes for a difficult meal

New life: The upstairs of the new market hall resembles little of its former use (Christopher Horwood)

When I started at the The Daily Telegraph 10 years ago they sometimes held the Christmas party at Pacha, opposite the front of Victoria station. I’m sure it was fine for the regulars after a few pingers, but it was an odd choice for a conservative broadsheet. The club’s architecture reflected the structure of the newspaper in a way that always made me laugh.

The commercial department would congregate downstairs in a kind of seething mass, getting battered, getting off with each other and airing long-held grievances.

Exactly what you’re meant to do at a Christmas party, in other words.

The editorial division, meanwhile, would shuffle around the upper level, looking down on their better paid colleagues with a mixture of distain and envy while they clutched bottles of lager and discussed David Cameron’s prospects. There was no doubt where you wanted to be.

In yet another convenient metaphor for the direction of London’s leisure habits, Pacha has been turned into a street-food market, Market Hall. They have an outpost in Fulham and will open another in Oxford Circus in the spring.

Where once there were dark sticky corners for furtive bumps and grinds, there is now a full range of unchallenging international grub options.

The standard of vendor is high, and suggests the concessions have been “curated” in order to create a “destination”, rather than simply flogged off to the highest bidder. The bars favour British spirits and beers. There is Monty’s Deli, London’s salt-beef masters, my favourite restaurant, whose proprietor was a minor figure in the Libertines-era London indie scene.

There’s Roti King’s Gopal’s Corner, for little pots of curry and buttery roti breads. Nonna Tonda, doing fresh pasta including the now obligatory cacio e pepe. And Fanny’s Kebabs, they of the ill-judged posh-kebab attempt on Green Lanes last year. Tacos, pizzas, dim sum. It’s all there.

Roti King’s outpost at the food court is Gopal’s Corner, serving little bowls of dal and roti bread like this

The issue is not the range, or the atmosphere. When we went it was heaving, with most of the tables full. It’s just a weird way to eat. You go up to one or more of the counters, order and pay, then take one of those vibrating square buzzer things. When the buzzer sounds, you collect your tray.

Go to Nonna Tonda for freshly made pasta

In theory the system lets you sample a few different options, or cater to a big group with different tastes, but the buzzers pile up on your table and then go off at completely different times.

Dumplings came flying out of the kitchen almost at once, but a bowl of daal with roti took 25 minutes. It makes planning the meal difficult and wreaks havoc with conversation. You’ll be on the cusp of some spicy piece of gossip when one of the devices will spasm into life and you’ll have to hare it upstairs like a mother with a baby monitor.

Where Market Hall is cheerful, it is not especially cheap. The dishes average around £8/9, with few of them substantial enough to count as a “main”. It might be more bearable were this the only place where the food was available. But most of the outposts have their own premises elsewhere.

Inevitably the food at the BaoziInn restaurant on Romilly Street, where the dumplings come steaming hot out of the kitchen, on proper crockery and in a room designed for the purpose, tastes better than it does here, bunged out next to a transport hub. No doubt it’s partly psychological, but that is at least half the fun of eating out.

Victoria has a few respectable options now. At a lower price point I’d go to the nearby Sourced Market. For a blowout there is the redoubtable A. Wong from renowned Michelin-starred chef Andrew Wong. Leave the seething mass to it.

Should you go? No.
Would I go again? No.

Market Hall Victoria, 191 Victoria Street, Victoria London SW1E 5NE; victoria@markethalls.co.uk; open daily