Meet the football team bringing bereaved fathers closer together
Group of fathers say camaraderie helps them channel grief
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Your support makes all the difference.They may look like any other local Sunday league football team but Sands United FC are bonded by more than just the desire to win matches.
Following the stillbirth of his daughter Niamh, just four days before her due date in 2018, team captain Rob Allen put together a one-off charity match with the help of stillbirth & neonatal death charity Sands.
It brought together a team of men, all of whom had been affected by the loss of a young child. The May 2018 game raised £6,000 for the charity.
It was such a success that Mr Allen decided to put together a permanent team. He began recruiting players from other support groups and in June 2018, Sands United was formed.
The dads get together every Wednesday in Northamptonshire for training, knowing that they are surrounded by others who have been through similar experiences and that they can talk about how they are feeling if they wish to.
The players commemorate their babies’ by proudly displaying their names embroidered by their hearts on their kit.
As well as support for the players and awareness for Sands, the men are also helping to dispel the social stigma attached to male mental health.
Midfielder Sean Long, 26, and his partner lost their son Leo at 25 weeks in 2017.
He told The Independent that the team provides an invaluable support network.
He said: “People say it’s not ‘manly’ to talk about your emotions, but I think it takes more of a man to sit there and say to another human being ‘I am struggling mentally’, I think that takes more courage than anything”.
Peter Allen and his wife lost their baby son Benjamin through miscarriage in 1997.
He said back then it was very different when it came to talking about what he and his wife went through as “mental health wasn’t really talked about, there was no real support for us.”
Seen as the father figure of the team, Peter said one of the big reasons he is a part of Sands United is to support some of the younger players.
“There’s a few of them that I have a real close affection for. I’ve always got an ear and a shoulder for all of them," he added.
There are now 17 Sands football teams since the Northants side began and more teams are being established across the UK to help bereaved families channel their grief, raise vital funds for the charity and help break the silence around losing a baby.
The charity’s dream is for a Sands United FC team in every corner of the UK.
The Independent spent an evening with the team during training to find out how being a part of the Sands family helps them with their grief and mental health.
If you or someone you know has been affected by the death of a baby, information and support can be found at www.sands.org.uk
To find out where your nearest Sands football team is, visit: www.sands.org.uk/get-involved/sands-united-fc
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