Woman asks for advice on funeral-appropriate dress - this is what etiquette experts say

You don't have to dress in black, but you do have to wear dark colours

Woman asks internet for help with funeral dress (Stock)

A woman asked the internet for advice on appropriate funeral attire after she was told her dress may be “too much" - and the question divided opinion.

The question was asked on Mumsnet by a woman who wrote that she planned to wear a black ruffled wrap dress from Asos that she already owned for an upcoming funeral - but that her husband said it may not be appropriate.

“I already have this dress and have a funeral next week. I intend to wear it with black tights and black ankle boots with a small heel,” she wrote. “Also I’m am 5ft tall so it is practically knee-length on me.”

According to the woman, she thought it was “perfect” - so asked others for their advice.

The responses were varied, with some suggesting the woman wear trousers underneath the dress, or opt for something longer or less dressy.

“Hmm, I don’t really think it’s suitable funeral attire either. It’s the sort of style I’d wear on a night out,” one person wrote.

Another said: “Fine, but not everybody expects black at funerals anymore.”

Most others agreed with the woman, however, and reassured her the dress was “absolutely fine.”

The woman planned to wear a dress from Asos (Asos)

“It’s a lovely dress. I do think it’s suitable but if you have a jacket to go over it, even better,” someone wrote. “I went to a funeral recently where there was barely any black. No eyebrows raised that I could see.”

With the help she received online, the woman decided to wear the dress with tights and a “neutral tone scarf,” which etiquette experts say was fine - but that there are more suitable options for dressing for a funeral.

Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert, author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life, and founder of The Protocol School of Texas told The Independent that while the dress is “cute, stylish, and not outlandish,” it still may be “more appropriate for a party or festive occasion.”

For some suggestions on choosing an outfit more funeral-appropriate, Gottsman advises: “Choose something conservative, that will not stand out or make a loud statement” as well as “nothing you would wear to a wedding shower or cocktail party.”

And while black is “not the only colour choice,” you should select a muted colour and be aware of cultural traditions.

Gottsman also recommends accessorising with simple jewellery, and a hat if it is “low-key.”

Modern etiquette coach Maggie Oldham also shared her advice for dressing appropriately for a funeral, which includes dressing in “dark, muted colours (think black, navy, dark grey)” and avoiding “pastels, light colours, and bright colours.”

Agreeing with Gottsman, Oldham told us: “You don’t HAVE to wear black, but definitely wear dark colours.”

She also recommends wearing dresses that are knee-length or one inch above the knee only, not showing cleavage, avoiding “distracting/flashy materials such as sparkles, animal prints and other decals, and adding only muted accessories as “this is not the time to wear stilettos or statement jewellery.”

As for whether the woman’s black ruffled dress is appropriate, Oldham says it does meet all the requirements except for one - as the frills “would be considered distracting/flashy” in her opinion.

To make the outfit more suitable, Oldham recommends a cardigan, blazer or scarf, which could easily cover up the frills, and “then she would meet all of the above guidelines,” she told us - which the woman did with a scarf.