FANDANGO

THE DIRTY WEEKEND BRIGADE

THOSE OF you who think of me at all when you read this column can, this weekend, imagine me ensconced in some wonderful hotel room in a romantic city, ie Paris (maybe bit too obvious), Rome, Venice or even Florence. I will be unable to leave my hotel suite (which could house an entire family and has the best views over whichever city my beau has decided to take me to) due to the vast amount of flowers, Valentine's pressies, champagne bottles and caviar debris in my way. Yes I know I said I wouldn't mention V Day again, since I briefed you on what to buy your loved one some weeks ago, but I don't think my antics count really, especially when it comes to bragging about what a fantastic weekend I'm going to have in advance. Dream on baby.

VIRGIN TERRITORY

My oh my, how strange it is that one weekend can be so different from another. For instance, last Saturday I found myself with my bestest friend at some bar-cum-discotheque in London's Covent Garden. Not an area I normally frequent but Essex does get a bit boring after a while, one can have too much of a good thing I suppose. I'd tell you the name of the place but I'm a tad worried that I might end up without any leg bones if I decide to visit again, plus it's wall-to-wall footballers and my friends would never forgive me for spoiling their chances by mentioning names. Still, I ended up there until the wee small hours propping up a well-known, incredibly inebriated DJ (being the good Samaritan that I am) who has his own brekkie show plus the biggest and loudest mouth in history. So, er, what about that job as your side kick you promised?

STATES OF THE ART

Hoorah! Maybelline, America's best-known cosmetic brand, are to launch next month in branches of Boots and Superdrug. The company is famous for its Great Lash Mascara - the one that all the make-up artists swear by and bring back from the states by the suitcase load. Worn by Christy Turlington, Linda Evangelista, Kate Moss and Donna Karan. Maybelline is not just a complete make-up range of blushes, foundations, lipsticks, la la la. According to the press release, it is "sophistication, attitude and style, not forgetting intelligence" too. I like the thought of my eyeshadow being intelligent, it makes me want to apply it every day.

TRUE BRIT

There's been loads of press about the Brit Awards over the last week, but did the reason why they held such an event at the London Arena happen to cross your mind? No, I don't suppose it did, not that there's anything wrong with the place apart from the fact that it's a bit too far out of town. You see, I have it from a very good inside industry source that Earl's Court was the planned venue for the awards, but some Silly Billy forgot to pencil in his booking after last year's event and was then left out in the cold for a venue. Still, it looks like whoever decided on the LA came up trumps as it was apparently one of the best-staged Brits ever! While we're on the subject, did you know that the latest fashion accessory is a bucket of cold water over your head? Move over Danny Boy, it's no whisky drink. Sorry, but what were Chumbawamba wimble womba doing? Go make your political/up the industry statement some where else.

BY-SENSUAL

Dolce & Gabbana, not content with launching one perfume at a time, have two new fragrances under one name. "By", for boys and girls, is sure to get the olfactory system going. Intoxicating fruity notes of tangerine and bergamot are packaged in the most chic leopard print bottle for us girls, while the zebra print version will suit you guys who need to spice up your lives with a little pepper and nutmeg. Eau de Parfum 50ml, pounds 44, exclusive to Harvey Nichols, London and Leeds.

SHOP SPOT

There I am wandering around Paul Smith, one of my fave shops, looking at all the lovely things I can't afford and who do I see? The mmm tasty Robert Carlyle, decking himself out with lots of gear. I thought it a bit naff to hang around the changing area, so I took the bull by the horns and leapt across the shop, but to my horror got my stilleto heel stuck in between the wooden floorboards. By the time I had regained my composure he'd paid up and made a rather swift exit from the store. Shame.