fandango

I've decided to introduce an award for the yuckiest issue or pic in a magazine. This month it goes to Dazed & Confused for the picture of a pair of soiled knickers shot by Corinne Day. I'm not sure if this is meant to shock - I thought Corinne Day was over that. It just managed to put me off my lunch, which rather upset me. D&C should come with a cover warning: "To be taken before or after meals and not during." Yawn, yawn. Pukey pic award number one.

Maybe D&C should take a leaf out of Horse and Hound magazine, which is to feature the lovely Paula Hamilton modelling tweedy garments, apparently to add a touch of glamour to the pages. The deputy editor is fed up with country people being portrayed as old fuddy-duddies with no style by comediennes such as French and Saunders. I think he's referring to their "fuss and nonsense" sketch, which in my opinion is one of their funniest. Where's your sense of humour mister? Tally ho!

Honestly, the fashion world is sooo fickle. One minute it's clumpy-wumpy, square-toe shoes, the next it's spiky heels. And don't think those chaps get off lightly because they don't - mark my words. You see Clark's, who, lets face it, make the original and best desert boot, are now telling you boys to go get yourself a pair of Wallabees. Already used on the catwalk by Donna Karan in her DKNY show, and featured in the Hugo Boss campaign, these squidgy, suede, crepe soles are the shoe to be seen in this winter. Oh, forgot to mention that the Gallagher brothers have theirs made especially - but don't let that put you off. Available in black, brown, sand, cork, wine, navy and ochre for pounds 75.

Poor old Yasmin Bon Bon was asked to move from the comfy banquette seat at The Met Bar last week, as it was apparently reserved for Miss Kate Moss. Whatever happened to age before beauty. Speaking of Kate, I hear she has traded in one Johnny for another - watch this space.

I mentioned a couple of months ago that Patsy Gallagher, nee Kensit, is to model for Etam. The pics were featured in last week's OK mag. Liam approved the clothes and commented that the leopard-print shirt was one of his favourites. Perhaps it reminded him of the local barmaid back in Burnage. I'll 'av' a pint of Boddies, luv.

Forget leopard prints, this winter I'll be buying myself a fleece. I can hear my very trendy colleague saying: "Just because Miu Miu showed them on the catwalk, Zoe." Okay, I admit, I can't go through another winter in my old leather jacket without something yummy and warm underneath, if it's good enough for Miu Miu it's good enough for me. I won't be buying designer, as my budget doesn't stretch that far. Plus, the best fleeces are performance so I'm told. North Sails has a jolly nice red, white and blue fleece, which will apparently see me through all weathers, great for when I'm stuck waiting for the tube, or going on one of my lengthy winter walks down Bond Street, and perfect for hopping on the bus back home. The polartec 300 fabric also contributes to increased warmth, keeps moisture away from the body and allows the fabric to breathe. Thank goodness for that. It's technical stuff buying fleece, you know.

The British Fashion Council, to those of you who don't know, are the very important people who organise London's ever-expanding fashion week. To make sure that things run smoothly, they get together all the lovely PR girls who are responsible for designers and discuss what's happening when and where. This being the trendy world of fashion, some of the girls feel that they need to arrive fashionably late, with the designer accessory of the moment - in this case their dog, which they let sit among Gucci shoes and Prada bags and pee on the carpet. Charming!