Father-of-the-bride defended after refusing to fork out for destination wedding

‘If she can’t pay for a destination wedding on her own, then she shouldn’t be having a destination wedding’

It is not uncommon to see either the bride or groom’s parents chip in with wedding costs, but one father thought his daughter was asking for too much.

In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit, a man explained that his daughter, who lives in New York, wanted a destination wedding in New Zealand. “She is currently asking for around $200,000,” the father wrote in the post. “This is not counting what guests would have to pay to come.”

According to the Reddit poster, he ended up declining his daughter’s request, but is now receiving backlash from his family because of his decision. “My wife feels I should do it because we can afford it, but I find it to be a pointless showing of wealth. Now my daughter is not talking to me, nor is my wife. Which got me thinking: should I bite the bullet and essentially burn money, and alienate family members to make my daughter’s dream wedding a reality?” he asked.

In resposne to the post, many commenters supported the father’s decision. “If she can’t pay for a destination wedding on her own, then she shouldn’t be having a destination wedding,” one comment began.

“It seems cruel but it’s true. Not to mention there’s so much more money involved with the flights and the hotels and stuff. Is she going to be paying for her own ticket or are you expected to fork out for them too? And her fiancées ticket.”

The comment continued: “Not to mention the fact that she’s thrown a strop and isn’t talking to you tells me she doesn’t deserve it. I’m a believer of we are not entitled to our parents’ money. I don’t expect any inheritance from my dad if he ever passes, even though he has a big life insurance. I would rather have my dad than the money.”

Another commenter agreed, writing: “You’re not stopping her from having a destination wedding. You just don’t want to be the ATM. What happens when people can’t make it because it’s a destination wedding? Are you supposed to pay for them, too?”

AITA for telling my daughter I am not paying for a destination wedding?
byu/Solid-Pass8944 inAmItheAsshole

One person suggested that the father tell his wife and daughter a set amount that he is willing to provide for the wedding and not to budge from that amount. “Inform her and your wife this. I will give you x amount. That’s it and no more,” they advised.

“Inform them both they are acting entitled and greedy and that if your wife wants to help you will separate your money. And she can pay out of what she has and makes but that you will not be putting money that is saved for retirement and things to be blown on a wedding destination just to make them happy,” they added.

After reading through the comments, the father returned to the Reddit post to share an update about the situation. “Tomorrow I am going to start making phone calls to price what a wedding in New York would cost at different head counts from 100 to 200 people. I do not know the exact size, I just know he also has a large close family,” he wrote, before describing himself as a “spineless coward”.

He added: “After I get that information I will use that to make an informed choice, but it will be an either or situation. Because they are playing this game I will tell both of them, my wife and daughter, that it is a wedding or house.”