We hear you Olivia Rodrigo – eight red flag questions to ask on a first date
The singer has called men who want to go to space ‘weird’. Her comments have made Helen Coffey think about more funny signs that a happily-ever-after probably isn’t on the cards
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Your support makes all the difference.It sounded like something from one of those parody showbiz news sites at first. “Olivia Rodrigo reveals that a guy wanting to go to space is a red flag for her.” But, on closer inspection, it turned out that the “Vampire” singer had actually named and shamed the desire to get extraterrestrial.
“This is a very oddly specific question that I ask guys on first dates,” she said. “I always ask them if they think that they would want to go to space. And if they say yes, I don’t date them. I just think if you wanna go to space, you’re a little too full of yourself. I think it’s just weird.”
At first glance, this might seem like a ridiculous way of sorting the wheat from the chaff. Yet, the more I reflected on it, the more I could see the genius in it. When you start thinking about the men in current culture who famously want to go to space – Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos being two of the genre’s most prominent poster boys – you start to notice the commonalities aren’t all that romantically appealing. Self-aggrandisement, narcissism, ego; little boys trapped in the bodies of billionaires who would rather expend their considerable resources on “winning” the commercial space race than on, you know, helping humanity in any meaningful way.
“This would have saved Grimes a lot of time,” one social media user joked, referencing the artist’s previous tempestuous relationship with Musk, with whom she has three children. Grimes herself then commented on the post – in a perceived “trolling” of her problematic ex – “It’s true. Only women should be going to space.”
Sure, plenty of men who fancy a jaunt into the Earth’s atmosphere aren’t Maga-hat-wearing Reply Guys – but perhaps there’s enough crossover that Rodrigo has decided the blanket ban is worth the risk of a good one slipping through the net on occasion.
It got me musing on the other questions that might help with the sifting process (and thereby avoid procreating with a man who is unable to open his mouth without making you die of embarrassment). We’re not talking big issues like politics or religion here – just the small, seemingly insignificant questions that can be pointers in the right direction. Here are just a few sample ones I might start throwing into the first date rotation...
Do they own any cryptocurrency?
Whether or not they’re into crypto is likely a good place to start; hanging onto some Bitcoin he bought in 2012 is one thing, but the best man in the world isn’t worth losing hours of your life to monologues about blockchain for. Trust me on this.
What’s the last book they read?
This is an interesting question regardless, but it can also quickly identify one of my biggest personal red flags – men who not only don’t read regularly, but have never read a book for pleasure in their adult lives. It’s surprisingly common, and it never fails to astound me. Another good indicator is how many books someone owns; there’s little more disconcerting than eventually visiting someone’s home only to discover that there’s not a single novel in sight and the “bookcase” is filled with useless objets straight out of a Made.com advert (RIP). Chilling.
Which famous person would they like to go to the pub with?
Who doesn’t secretly believe they would be best friends with certain celebrities if only the planets aligned and circumstances brought them into each other’s orbit? But, just as the kind of people you surround yourself with in reality speaks volumes, so does the kind of people you fantasise about buddying up with. If your date is inviting Jeremy Clarkson, Russell Brand, Joe Rogan or any number of other questionable personalities out for a pint “because they seem like they’d be a good laugh”, consider yourself warned.
Would they like to become prime minister?
This is inspired by a friend of a friend’s real-life date, during which the man said his ambition was to run the country. Perhaps in the Blair years this wouldn’t have been so off-putting, but now? “I think because the people jostling to be our leaders/becoming them had been so grim for so long, it felt very red flaggy,” she said. Like the space question, there’s also the “full of themselves” element – anyone who thinks they deserve the top job and could easily “sort everything out” arguably has a certain level of arrogance baked right in.
How did they sleep last night?
Only short answers – “good”, “bad”, “can’t complain” – are acceptable here. The second they start giving a more detailed breakdown, the jig is up; you know they’re one of those sleep-tracking app guys. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about men who are obsessed with not only monitoring the duration and quantity of their sleep but sharing that data with others – as if anyone else would be remotely interested – that is fundamentally “ick” territory. There’s always a zealous intensity about the way they want to bring up the stats and show you their sleep phases, breathing patterns and overall “sleep score” that’s mildly alarming. The worst example of this is, of course, men with Oura rings, who’ve shelled out £300 for the pleasure of boring prospective dates in even greater detail about their current blood oxygen levels.
When was the last time they cried?
No, the ability to cry doesn’t in and of itself guarantee emotional intelligence, but it’s at least a hint as to whether the person in question has such deeply repressed feelings that they’re unable to express them (unless, for example, shouting slurs at an opposing football team). There’s no minimum acceptable frequency, but if the answer is “never”, or “not since my father died 20 years ago”, it’s an amber flag at the very least.
Who’s their ‘craziest’ ex?
As we all know, the only correct response is “none of them” (unless they literally dated the character of Rebecca Bunch from the sitcom Crazy Ex-Girlfriend). Women have been labelled “crazy” by men since the dawn of time for behaviour ranging from “having feelings” and “wanting to talk” to “occasionally being a little bit angry”. One of the biggest green flags going is a man who speaks respectfully about his former partners. (Though if he won’t shut up about how great one of them in particular was, that’s a whole other issue.)
OK, this last one isn’t technically a question, but...
Not asking questions
Though we’ve all got our preferences, with the right person, it is possible to overcome some of those initial “red flags”, “icks”, or whatever else you want to call them – even space lust. But by far the best barometer isn’t the questions you ask your date, but the questions they ask you. Because the biggest dating red flag, in my book, is getting to the end of an evening and realising you’ve been forced to play interviewer all night because the man sitting opposite didn’t once express the slightest interest in you or your life. Come on, fellas – unless she’s Emily Maitlis and you’re Prince Andrew, there’s really no excuse.
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