Seven signs you're dating a narcissist, according to a clinical psychologist

'When the world is all about you, there is little room left to have genuine and sustained empathy toward others'

Elana Lyn Gross
Friday 06 April 2018 16:29 BST
Comments
They will always want to be the centre of attention and will expect their achievements to be acknowledged
They will always want to be the centre of attention and will expect their achievements to be acknowledged (Shutterstock)

Your support helps us to tell the story

From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.

At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.

The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.

Your support makes all the difference.

Your partner brags seemingly 24/7, always knows the ‘best’ way to do everything and can’t handle criticism. Sound familiar? You may be dating a narcissist.

About six per cent of the population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which affects more men than women – 7.7 per cent vs 4.8 per cent, according to research published in The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.

Dr Gene Beresin, executive director at The Clay Centre for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital and Dr Forrest Talley, a California-based clinical psychologist have identified warning signs that you may be dating someone with NPD.

An official diagnosis can only be done by a doctor, but here are red flags to look out for:

They only like to talk about themselves

If you’re dating someone extremely self-absorbed, your date night conversation will most likely revolve around his or her achievements, success and interests.

“The narcissist will often appear bored when talking about you or change the subject to focus on them,” Dr Beresin said. “Sometimes they are good listeners, but only when it enhances their own needs and desires.”

They want you to provide them with constant praise

Narcissists always want to be the centre of attention and will expect their partner to acknowledge their achievements, talents and appearance at all times. (Yes, even when you are at a social gathering).

According to Dr Beresin, your relationship may suffer if you don’t dote on him or her.

They may take offence if you show any sign of disapproval, disagree with what they say or if you question how great they are.

Your partner's inability to listen to your problems may lead to tension (Shutterstock)
Your partner's inability to listen to your problems may lead to tension (Shutterstock) (Shutterstock / Tiko Aramyan)

They are demeaning towards other people

Egocentrics often obsess over the negative aspects of other people’s lives. Even their close friends and family members may not be spared from the judgment.

Narcissists often think they can do a better job than others, which reinforces the belief that they are always right.

They are sensitive and they overreact

When a narcissist’s emotional needs aren’t met, their reaction is often grandiose. According to Dr Talley, many narcissistic people may appear extremely angry or cry until the other person apologises.

They lack empathy

Your partner may offer to come over when you are having a bad day, but their motivation is most likely self-serving.

“When the world is all about you, there is little room left to have genuine and sustained empathy toward others,” says Dr Talley. “It seldom translates into action where they act in a way that requires sacrifice and humility.”

They make you feel bad about yourself

Don’t expect a narcissistic boyfriend or girlfriend to be genuinely happy for you. Instead, they will most likely be overly critical or attempt to downplay your accomplishments.

“They will frequently cause you to feel badly about yourself. Your success threatens them, so you can expect that they will respond to your successes by ultimately diminishing their importance,” says Dr Talley.

They can be charming and generous ... sometimes

They may make you feel special at first, but the facade is unlikely to last
They may make you feel special at first, but the facade is unlikely to last (Shutterstock)

Narcissists have moments when they seem incredibly likeable, especially early in a relationship. “The narcissist can be charming and generous when it enhances their sense of how wonderful they are, but all this can turn in an instant to sulking or angrily lashing out when others do not respond as they expected,” says Dr Talley.

If it feels like everything switched after the “honeymoon period” it may be true. Narcissists “often make others feel special as they are welcomed into their world, which is painted as being exclusive, exciting, filled with potential and very special,” Dr Talley says. “But shortly after this initial stage they become dependent on the relationship and this dependency causes them to no longer be able to maintain the facade of genuinely caring for another.”

Read more:

• May tackles new Brexit Rebellion
Philip Hammond and Mark Carney are in China to secure £1 billion of trade deals
• Facebook admits that social media can be bad for you

Read the original article on Business Insider UK. © 2018. Follow Business Insider UK on Twitter.

Join our commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies

Comments

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in