Relationship experts on how to avoid the dreaded dating app fatigue
Dating apps can get exhausting
Your support helps us to tell the story
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.
Your support makes all the difference.When you’re looking for that special someone, dating apps are the norm now for millions of single people.
But what happens when you aren’t seeing much luck with them?
Though the good, the bad and the ugly of dating apps are relative to personal experiences – and many people find love online – there’s no doubt dating app fatigue is also a real thing.
Do you continue using them, or throw in the towel and hope you have your own meet-cute in the supermarket aisle or coffee shop?
We have a look at some of the answers.
What is dating app fatigue?
Marina Lazaris, love and relationships expert on The School of Love podcast and author of Men Need Love Too, says you know you have dating app fatigue when you’ve become super critical about everything.
“When you create that negativity within the interactions of those that you’re speaking with, it is also another sign,” she says.
Emma Sayle, co-founder of the WAX dating app, adds that dating app fatigue also refers to the feeling of exhaustion, frustration or burnout many people experience from using dating apps extensively.
“It often stems from the repetitive nature of swiping through profiles, engaging in superficial conversations, and the pressure to constantly present oneself appealingly.
“Factors contributing to dating app fatigue include the abundance of options: ghosting, catfishing, and the disconnect between online interactions and real-life connections,” says Sayle.
Is it good to have a break sometimes?
It’s only natural that dating apps can get exhausting if you’re putting a lot of time and energy into using them, especially if your experiences are proving disappointing.
“What you give, you often get back, so definitely take a break if you’re finding it negative,” says Lazaris.
“Or maybe it’s just not for you using a dating app,” she adds. “Maybe get some coaching, get some advice if you feel stuck in a negative rut.”
How can you reset your dating mojo?
It’s important to establish what your dating goals are. By doing so, it’ll be easier to communicate this and ensure you’re putting your energy into matches who are on the same page.
“Are you looking to get something with an end goal, or are you looking at it as a process to meet people and to have fun?” says Lazaris.
Put focus on the other person too, to find out whether you’re aligned. This could help you break out of your own negative thought patterns too.
“Get them talking about themselves – ask them about the happiest time in their life and get to know their values – see if yours align,” says Lazaris. “Get them talking about their future and what they want. Then you will be around kinder and more loving people if you have the same values.”
Don’t take it personally if a match isn’t for you
Lazaris acknowledges it “can be soul-destroying if you don’t get the answers that you want” when putting yourself out there. “And people might not respond at all,” she says.
But while rejection always stings, try to see this as helpful steps towards finding the right person for you.
“You have to see this as a tool to make you more resilient and a tool to get more creative. The person who ends up with someone is more creative, they can make magic from nothing, they don’t take things personally and they can adapt,” she says.
“They are consistent in their approach – not acting with emotion – even if people don’t respond. It’s about creating fun and not seeing dating as an end goal, but as a place to meet individuals.”
Set boundaries
Sayle also advises people to limit their usage and set boundaries around how much time they spend on dating apps each day or week, to prevent burnout from setting in.
“Experiment with different dating apps or platforms to see which ones align best with your preferences and values,” she adds. “And make self-care a priority by engaging in activities that bring you joy, fulfilment, and relaxation outside of dating apps.
“Stay present and mindful while using dating apps, focusing on genuine connections, rather than getting caught up in the cycle of swiping.”
How can you be more discerning at picking matches?
According to Lazaris, you have to look at what somebody is ‘creating’ and ask questions about these things.
“If people are very rigid and have a tick list, then you should probably steer clear of them. Understand who you are and what you want and are looking to ‘create’ – their vision and what they are looking to achieve. Make sure your visions align,” she says.“When you feel comfortable, consider meeting matches in person sooner rather than later, to determine if there’s real chemistry.”