Woman defended for asking her date to pay to clean her dress after he ‘ruined’ it

‘He is being irresponsible and cheap,’ one person responds on Reddit

A woman has been praised for asking her date to cover the cost of cleaning her dress after he “ruined” it.

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, one Reddit user – who goes by the name u/ThrowRA445800 - asked if she was in the wrong for “expecting” her date to pay to clean the dress. She noted that as she’s been going out with this man for a couple of months, they recently “decided to go to a nice high-end restaurant for a date”.

She explained that while she initially planned on wearing “a nice dark blue dress” for the occasion, her date asked her to wear a white dress instead. She also acknowledged that she had concerns wearing the outfit to dinner, as it had a special meaning to her and she didn’t want it to get ruined.

“He asked me to wear a different white dress that I had shown him once as it matched his outfit (I’ve never had a guy ask me this),” she wrote. “The white dress in question was a gift from my late grandmother and was quite expensive, so I was reluctant but agreed and just asked that we didn’t go anywhere after where I might spill something on it or otherwise mess it up.”

She noted that her date then told her they were just going to dinner, so she could “change out of [the dress] before doing anything else”. However, she expressed that the outing took an unfortunate turn when he “accidentally spilled his red wine all over [her] dress”.

“He had gotten an unexpected call and when he tried to quickly mute his ringer, his elbow hit his glass and it spilled all over the lap area of my dress before I could react. It was completely drenched and stained,” she added.

The Reddit user noted that as her date “was apologetic” for the wine spill, she “tried to be cool about”. However, she said that “on the inside,” she was “devastated” about the stain since she “mentioned specifically how [she] wanted to be careful wearing” her dress.

She said that once she mentioned to her date that the dress was “very expensive” and asked him to help pay “the cost of cleaning or replacing it”, he argued against the idea.

AITA for expecting my date to cover the cleaning cost of a dress he ruined?
byu/ThrowRA445800 inAmItheAsshole

“To get it professionally cleaned and the stain removed would cost $100, which I asked him to pay half of,” the woman added. “To my surprise, he got quite defensive. He argued that it was an accident and that I was being unreasonable for expecting him to pay for something like that, and that it was my fault for wearing it out knowing that it could’ve happened.”

The Reddit user acknowledged that while the stain was an accident, the dress was still “ruined”. She concluded by emphasising how much the outfit meant to her, before questioning her date’s response to her request.

“It was extremely sentimental to me not to mention a valuable dress. He thinks I’m being materialistic and making a big deal out of nothing. Now, I’m not sure how to feel about his reaction,” she added.

The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, as it has more than 7,200 upvotes. Many people have gone on to defend the woman for asking her date to cover the cleaning bill while encouraging her to avoid moving forward with the relationship.

“It would be his responsibility even if he never asked you to wear the dress,” one wrote. “Total strangers who spill things on people will offer to cover a cleaning bill! He doesn’t sound like he’s a good man.”

“It’s a matter of law, not principle. You wreck something, you’re responsible for replacing, cleaning, or fixing it,” another commented. “Do people who rear-end other people’s cars get to go ‘But it was an accident!’ and thereby get out of liability? No, they do not. You are not being materialistic; he is being irresponsible and cheap.”

“Intent is not the issue. The result of his action is the issue,” a third responded. “This is a man who doesn’t accept responsibility for his actions. Get the money and be done with him.”

Other people also criticised the date for asking the Reddit user to wear a certain outfit, while still advising the woman to end the relationship, even if he doesn’t pay to clean the dress.

“Drop the guy and pay for the dress yourself and be happy this failed relationship ship only cost you $100,” one wrote.

“I can’t even imagine a guy asking a woman to wear a specific dress because it matched his outfit. Seriously what man’s outfit matches a white dress so specifically? This is some weird power move/fetish and [original poster] needs to see the $100 as a low price for getting out before it gets weirder.”