Ciao Baby: The "Go Faster Plaster"

The idea is that by sticking this across the bridge of your nose, the nostrils are opened wider and your muscles get an increased supply of oxygen. As de rigeur as the Kevin Keegan perm once was, the go faster plaster has recently been the on-pitch accessory no footballer worth his salt could be seen without. Sartorial fashions pioneered by footballers have always been questionable and with the new season in full swing, it's time to say arrivederci:

Because the prospect of looking like the victim of a spectacular shaving accident surely outweighs any possible physiological benefit

Because strapping one on on a Sunday morning after tying a few on on a Saturday night will bring out the David Beckham you believe lurks within

Because plasters never have been, are not and never will be cool

Because you could always just blow your nose instead