‘It wouldn’t be fair’: The families choosing to stay apart at Christmas in spite of the rules

As the UK braces itself for a Christmas unlike any other, Olivia Petter speaks to those who have chosen not to come together this year

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At this time of year, Lucille Whiting, 39, would usually be planning a trip to London to spend Christmas with her parents, her two siblings, and their children. This year, things are different. Like so many others in the UK, Whiting’s family has borne the brunt of the coronavirus pandemic. 

Her and her husband tested positive in April and, eight months later, are still experiencing severe “long Covid” symptoms. As are two of their five children. “My nine-year-old is still being investigated for ongoing chest pain,” she says. “My husband still has no sense of taste or smell, and I’ve been dealing with bladder infections for months. There’s no way our elderly relatives would survive this.”

With all this in mind, the Whitings have decided not to visit any family members this Christmas or indeed form a “Christmas bubble” with two other households as has been permitted by the government for a five-day period in December. “Nobody can say for sure that we can't catch it again,” Lucille adds, “so it wouldn't be fair to purposefully inflict that on anyone, knowing what we know.”

The Whitings are far from the only family who have decided not to spend Christmas with their relatives this year. The government might have legally made allowances for families to get together from 23 until 27 December - during which three households can break social distancing rules and spend time in one another’s homes and places of worship – but they cannot promise this won’t bring with it risk.

Despite the allowances, many leading figures have warned against taking advantage of them, with Chris Witty urging people not to hug relatives if you want them to “survive to be hugged again”, while Nicola Sturgeon has said that just because you can form a Christmas bubble, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you should. As a result, people like Lucille are reluctant to turn their back on all the safety measures we’ve been encouraged to adopt for the best part of a year and will be staying away from her family.

Scientific experts have been critical of the government’s Christmas plans, with Professor Andrew Hayward, a member of the Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (SAGE), saying it will simply “throw fuel on the fire” of the pandemic. “Mixing at Christmas does pose substantial risks, particularly in terms of bringing together generations with high incidence of infection with the older generations,” he told BBC Radio 4’s Today programme last month.

My nan has severe chest issues, so spending Christmas apart is the only way to keep everyone safe until the vaccine is available to us

Melissa, 31

Dr Susan Hopkins of Public Health England said in November that scientific modelling had previously suggested a five-day relaxation of restrictions could result in the need for a 25-day lockdown in order to combat a predicted spike in infections. And this stark warning seems to have filtered through to some of the public.

“My nan has severe chest issues, so spending Christmas apart is the only way to keep everyone safe until the vaccine is available to us,” says Melissa, 31, in Wirral, who will be spending the festive period with her fiance and their newborn son, Grayson instead. “We had him during lockdown and I’m so excited for his first Christmas but also obviously so sad that the rest of the family will miss out.”

Similarly, Jessica, 40, from Newcastle, will not be visiting her parents for Christmas this year. “They're in quite good health but seem to have been affected by the general worry of the pandemic and so have asked me not to come, which I don't dismiss, but I still was hoping we would meet.”

Safety aside, there are other reasons why some people have chosen not to spend Christmas with their relatives this year. Jen, 36, is a US citizen living in London. Normally, she would fly back home for Christmas to be with her father and his partner. “Being an expat you never know if you're going to be able to make it back home, but with two-week quarantines on both ends (US and the UK) it simply doesn't make sense this year,” she says.

Given that so many other expats are being forced to stay in London over Christmas, there has been added pressure for Jen to form a bubble with friends. “It’s been overwhelming feeling like I have to choose which friend to spend the holidays with, as none of them want to spend Christmas alone but I don’t want to be seen as choosing one over the other.” So Jen has decided instead to spend the Christmas period alone. 

“I plan to take me and the puppy out to the countryside to spend this year curled up in an armchair with a book,” she said. “Having spent many Christmases on my own, I've learned to think about it as just another day and an excuse to treat myself.”

Sabby, 30, is another US expat staying in London over Christmas. “I hate being away from my family during the holidays but I think this year we have all had to make sacrifices,” she says. “I’m from Georgia, which currently has over 450,000 coronavirus cases. Considering I no longer have American health insurance and I am insured here with the NHS, it doesn’t feel like a safe option to travel back to the US.”

I hate being away from my family during the holidays but I think this year we have all had to make sacrifices

Sabby, 30

It’s not clear when Britons will get the chance to spend time with their relatives, and feel safe doing so, again. While news of the Pzifer vaccine certainly seems promising - the UK began rollout on 8 December - the health secretary has said it will take several months until everyone has been vaccinated and has suggested that the UK could start returning to normal “after Easter”.

For those who have decided to form Christmas bubbles, SAGE has issued advice on keeping everyone safe, though it still states that virtual get-togethers are the safest. The organisation suggests celebrating outdoors where possible, given that transmission rates of coronavirus are highest indoors, and practising “distanced greetings” when guests arrive. In other words, don’t hug anyone when they walk in the door.

By allowing households to mix over Christmas, it might seem like the government has offered Britons a lifeline. But it’s one that should be received with caution. Particularly if, like Lucille, you’ve seen the devastating impact that Covid-19 can have on people firsthand. 

“It feels like the only people scared right now are the people who've already had the virus,” she says. “It's safer for [our family] if we postpone Christmas for a few months. It is sad but I can't emphasise enough how frightening this year has been.”