How to help a child if they are being bullied on social media

Facebook and Instagram under scrutiny after whistleblower says bullying ‘follows children home’ through social media platforms. Kate Ng speaks to an expert on how to keep your kids safe

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A whistleblower has warned that bullying follows children home from school through platforms such as Instagram, which is owned by Facebook.

Frances Haugen, a former employee of Facebook, told MPs and peers that the tech giant’s own research suggested Instagram is dangerous for young people, but it will not take action.

She said this is because “young users are the future of the platform and the earlier they get them the more likely they’ll get them hooked”.

But the popularity of the app among young people means that those who are being bullied can’t get away from it even after they go home.

“The last thing they see at night is someone being cruel to them,” Haugen told a Parliamentary Committee on Monday. “The first thing they see in the morning is a hateful statement and that is just so much worse.”

Instagram and Facebook boast billions of users between them. According to Statista, Instagram is the fourth-most-used social networking platform among young people aged 15 to 25 in the UK, behind YouTube, Facebook and WhatsApp.

But in light of the recent revelations, the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) has said it is “concerned that Facebook is not prioritising the safety of children and has failed to act on evidence showing the risks young users face on its platforms”.

So how can parents or carers help children who are experiencing online bullying?

Have open conversations

Will Gardner, CEO of Childnet International, tells The Independent that one of the most important things that parents can do is encourage open conversations with their children about how they use the internet.

That doesn’t mean parents have to become experts in the numerous apps or games that young people jump between. However, the more you talk about it, the more comfortable children will be about it.

“Take an interest in your children’s online worlds, and by that, I mean have lots of different types of conversations with them about how they use and behave online,” Gardner says.

You can do this by talking about what they enjoy about going online, which Childnet describes as a “helpful bridge to talking about safety messages and more difficult issues in the future”.

Making conversation in a “depersonalised” way – “For example, asking them: ‘Have you seen this story on the news? What do you think about it?’ can also be a helpful way of getting onto the path to talk about any issues,” Gardner says.

Kate Edwards, senior child safety online manager at the NSPCC, adds: “As a parent or carer, it’s important to talk to your child regularly about what they do online and what worries them, exploring their online world together and reassuring them that you are there to support them. This is good way to encourage them to come to you if they do have a negative experience like online bullying.”

Keep an eye on their wellbeing

Parents and carers know the children they take care of better than anyone, so keep an eye out for any changes in behaviour that might indicate the child is being bullied.

“If they become more secretive, avoidant, refusing to go to school – those are things to look out for,” Gardner says.

“If you do notice these changes, make sure you are available to them and be there for them as much as possible.”

Block and report

If your child is being bullied through a social media platform, they can make use of reporting and blocking features that most apps have.

Gardner also says parents should advise their children not to retaliate if something does happen.

“Technology today has made it very easy to communicate, so it’s easy to fire something back when you’re in the heat of the moment,” he said.

“But instead, any victim of bullying should keep the evidence. In a way, online bullying is an asset – before, it used to be a case of ‘he said, she said’ a lot of the time.

“But now, you can see what someone has said and done, and it can be empowering to be able to show the evidence that you are indeed being bullied.”

If a child comes to you because someone is bothering them, make sure they know what tools are available and help them block the bullies.

“Blocking is a good tool and most social media platforms have this feature, so make use of it,” Gardner says.

“You can also report the bullying to the service provider, and, if relevant, report it to the school or the police.”

Staying on top of how your child’s favourite online hangouts work is also key in being able to spot adverse interactions before they spin out of control.

“You can agree rules together as a family and manage privacy settings and parental controls to help keep your child safe,” suggests Edwards.

“It’s also important to familiarise yourself with your child’s favourite sites, apps and games and show them how to report and block accounts that may be responsible for bullying as well as check for and remove unwanted contacts.”

Teach them to think before sending anything

Gardner warns parents to be aware that if your child can be targeted by bullies, there is also the chance that they might be the ones doing the targeting.

“One of our key messages is always to think before we send something, because you can’t see how the person on the other side is responding to it,” he says.

“So there’s an empathy gap which makes it harder for us to be aware of how someone else feels. We need to foster respect for one another, treat others the way we want to be treated.

“The rules on respecting others in real life applies online too,” he adds.

If your child is being bullied, they can call the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children at 0800 1111 or visit Childline.org.uk