First person

Brian Dowling: ‘After my career on Big Brother came to an end I felt so vulnerable – it was chaos’

Irrepressible Irish TV personality Brian Dowling is ‘the Ultimate Big Brother Housemate’, who won the reality TV show twice and also presented six series... until he was fired in 2013. He reflects on his time on the show and his belief that he’s been ‘erased’ from ‘Big Brother’ history, and offers some witty words of wisdom for this season’s group of housemates

Monday 16 October 2023 06:35 BST

Brian Dowling after winning the final of ‘Ultimate Big Brother’, September 2010 (Getty)

When I went on Big Brother in 2001, it was series two and still very much a social experiment. No one really knew what was happening for the people who went on the first series once the show ended. And it gave us a lot of opportunities – I have a career out of it, 22 years later I’m still on TV and the radio, doing my thing. I think that second season was really the one that put it on the map, when the show arrived, so I’m glad I went on it back then. Now, I don’t feel you’d have the same opportunities.

We didn’t have a big live launch show – there were only two or three photographers outside when I turned up to go into the house. But that was nothing compared to what it became, which was this huge circus. When I left it was literally a stage show, there were banners, chanting, photographers… just nine weeks later! It was insane, like being at a big football match, or the coronation. It went from zero to 100 in those nine weeks.

My game plan was just to be myself, and I wasn’t going to be drawn into anyone’s s***. That’s just me in general – if you’re looking for an argument you’re not really going to get it from me. Even when it came to the nominations, I’d nominate someone because I got on better with another contestant.

I watched the launch of the 2023 series with AJ Odudu and Will Best. It’s very strange watching a show that’s known for being so unpredictable and seeing it done quite differently now. I do wish they’d spoken to the contestants a bit more as they were going in, and the VTs were all very safe – very nice, very positive. We’re used to people being controversial, like… bring it on. We like a bit of spice. It’s almost like watching a soap opera and seeing the stories unravel. I feel like we didn’t get to know this year’s contestants as well before they went into the house.

Olivia’s grown on me, and Jenkin, I think he’s fun. I’m not sure about Tom or Jordan, I don’t know why. Chanelle… I think she’s going to ruffle feathers! And how brave is Hallie, at just 18 years old, to speak about her experiences as a trans woman? I won Big Brother as an openly gay man in 2001, and Nadia Almada won as a trans woman a few years later. It was so accepting in the early Noughties, and now there’s a bit of a gear change online. It’s such a hot topic.

I think what Big Brother was always good at were those water cooler moments where the contestants discussed issues like race and gender. But there’s a lot of pressure, which I didn’t realise at the time. Hallie is only 18 years old, she’s so young and she’s still coming to terms with who she is, like when she was talking about how she wants to buy herself a vagina (I was like, wow, vaginas are expensive. £30,000?!). So when she leaves the house – I think she’ll do quite well – there’s going to be a lot of pressure on her to become a role model.

I wasn’t worried about backlash from being on Big Brother because I had a really good life. I was working at Ryanair, living at Stansted and house-sharing with my friend. I wasn’t going on Big Brother to “fix” anything – I was 21, living my best life, going out in Soho, going on dates, kissing guys… the only pressure I might have felt was when I came out to my family a few days before I went out on the show. But I’d needed that reason to come out to them, because before I wasn’t being honest to them about who I was. I wasn’t sure what to expect with regards to the general public, because when you’re in there you don’t know if you’re being watched by five people or 5 million. What mattered was my parents, who were finally seeing me as my authentic self.

In the house itself, you got away with a lot more because we didn’t have social media back then. And there weren’t really any controversial moments – there were silly arguments, but nothing that serious.

Brian was ‘distraught’ after being fired from presenting ‘Big Brother’ (Channel 4)

As a contestant, I found the duty of care on Big Brother exceptional. When we left the house I was given security, access to a therapist, and a debrief from showrunners. As a host who was fired after two years, having presented six series, I felt abandoned, and I had a real issue with that. I thought as the “ultimate housemate” who’d won the show twice, it would be an easy transition.

But no one cared what happened to me – in the darkest time of my life – I didn’t get a card, or flowers, or anything from anyone. I’ve never spoken about it before but in my book [Brian and Arthur’s Modern Family: Births, Marriages, Deaths and Everything in Between] I go into my treatment on the show, how I was made to feel, the stuff that was expected. It felt like a s***show from the time I started. Everything I thought was good about me as a housemate, I wanted to do as a presenter, but they didn’t want that, and I was replaced by Emma Willis. And it’s only now as a 45-year-old that I feel confident enough to tell people that side of things.

When you’re fired from a show (and bearing in mind it was The Sun who called us up – someone had let it slip at an awards show, and they rang my agent, and then I had to wait a few weeks until I knew for sure) and speak about it, people assume that you’re bitter. But I don’t feel that way. I’ve got a great life with my husband, our baby, my work… I just find it very odd that they were recently discussing the Big Brother hosts on This Morning and no one mentioned me. It’s about respect. And they’re almost trying to erase my time as host from Big Brother history. It’s great to be a housemate, and my experience reflects really positively on them. So, give praise where it’s due. At the end of the day, just a bit of acknowledgement would be nice.

Brian with his husband Arthur and their daughter, Blake (Mark Nixon)

My mum passed away in 2018, and I would compare being fired as a Big Brother presenter to that loss and grief, to being so distraught. My feelings of grief around her death weren’t dissimilar to how I felt in 2013. I felt so vulnerable – it was chaos. I turned down quite a lot of work because I didn’t feel worthy, and I felt embarrassed because I’d been publicly humiliated. And no one reached out to me. Nothing. They just moved on with a new presenter.

The new book is almost like a joint autobiography. My husband – dancer and Dancing With the Stars judge Arthur Gourounlian – is Armenian and he’s come from so much hardship. We had very different lives growing up. We met on a night out in London in 2002, broke up, got back together, and built our family. He was a very successful dancer working for Beyonce, Kylie, Girls Aloud, along with all the big reality shows – and he wasn’t trained as a professional dancer. He had to kick those doors down himself.

We did a documentary for Irish TV last year, Very Modern Family, about finding a surrogate together. That was the first time I’ve really had to handle negative attention in a really jarring, let’s-get-the-police-involved kind of way. This was simply about two gay men who were married and wanted to have a family, and I found it odd that there was such a vile jump. People are so uneducated about this issue – there was so much homophobia and abuse on social media. And what people didn’t know at first was the surrogate was actually my sister, it wasn’t as if we were exploiting a vulnerable woman, but that was the kind of reaction we had. When it comes to surrogacy, there’s still so much progress that needs to be made – only one of us is listed as our daughter Blake’s legal father, and my sister is listed as her legal mother!

People ask me all the time, how do you go into a show like Big Brother? My answer is always, be yourself. Be yourself, have fun, don’t take it seriously. But also, don’t expect it to make your life better. Don’t go into the show hoping you’ll become a millionaire and be famous and be flooded with loads of job offers. Go on the show, enjoy it for what it is, and if you f*** up, just own it, and say sorry, then move on.