auntie ag & uncle ony

I'm a television drama director. A very good friend of mine directed a series, currently showing on the box, which has been extremely successful, and he's talking eagerly about directing the second series. Last week the production company approached me and asked me to direct the second series instead: the reason being that my friend is such a nightmare to work with that they won't take him on again. I desperately want to do it, and I need the work. What do I do? Accept: which would end our relationship? Talk to him about it? Or turn it down and don't tell him - in which case someone else will get the job and we'll both lose out.

Jerome, Notting Hill

Uncle Ony: I think you should talk to your friend. Tell him he ought to know what is being said about him, and suggest he might see a therapist or counsellor to find out why people are finding him so difficult to work with. Ask him what he feels about you being offered the job and say you won't take it if he objects. But also point out that it would be an honour to follow in his footsteps and carry on the work he started, and that if you don't take the job the series will go to someone else he knows and likes less well. I'm sure you'll find you will be able to accept the job with his blessing.

Aunty Ag: ... in your dreams! I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole. I think there's a kind of natural justice which hangs around these situations. If you take the job I bet you'll find:

a) You lose your friend

b) Everyone says the second series wasn't as good as the first

c) It turns out it wasn't your friend who was the nightmare to work with, it was the entire cast and crew.

d) When it comes to the third series the production company decide they want someone else to direct it and hold meetings with half of media London telling them you're a nightmare - and it might serve you right, darling.

I've been in therapy for six months. It was going fine, except that my therapist has started asking me more and more about my feelings for her. Recently she asked me whether I had sexual fantasies about her. I didn't want to seem rude so I pretended I did. Then she asked me what the fantasies consisted of and I panicked and said - just because it was the first thing that came into my head - that I tied her to a tree and she was wearing a black pvc suspender outfit. Now she spends most of the session - and it's pounds 45 an hour - asking me what trees represent to me, and what I think the relationship is between trees and my penis. She has also started hanging around very close when I am putting my coat on in the hall.

Roger, Penge

Uncle Ony: You sound as though you are questioning your therapist's judgement - and this, of course, is precisely why she is trying to uncover your feelings about her. Until you are able to deal with these feelings you will not be able to move forward. And she is quite right to encourage you to articulate and realise your latent fantasy. Why the tree? Why the PVC? I think it is certainly worth continuing with this valuable work (Should, however, you feel you want to look elsewhere, I could offer you pounds 40 an hour for 10 sessions, money up front.)

Aunty Ag: I suggest you tell her you've had a fantasy about her tying you to a giant penis and trying to make you kiss her while taking all the money out of your pockets and that you won't be coming to see her any more.

My girlfriend and I live together and are planning to spend the rest of our lives together. We both work, earn the same sort of salary and are both 28 - but I am putting lots of money into a whopping great pension and she refuses to get a pension of her own and spends all her spare money at Harvey Nichols. I feel incredibly resentful of the fact that she is expecting me to pay for all the cruises when we're old. She says she won't and it's none of my business, but I can't stop rowing with her about it.

Nigel, Clapham

Uncle Ony: Try to think of money in terms of symbolism, Nigel. In any relationship it always represents far more than the thing itself. It sounds to me as though your girlfriend is in denial, refusing to acknowledge her intense, almost paranoid fear of ageing, whereas you are attempting to use your pension to lock her into a lifelong commitment she clearly feels unable fully to make. I think you should acknowledge that there are far deeper problems in your relationship than you may have previously realised and perhaps seek the help of a professional therapist or counsellor, but do ensure beforehand that your girlfriend agrees to split the fee 50/50 (I could offer you a 10-week session at pounds 50 an hour for the two of you, money up front, if you're interested).

Aunty Ag: Nigel, darling, you'd be surprised how many wise women have based their pension arrangements on a few choice investments in the Harvey Nichols frocks department. I should shut up about your pension if I were you, or she might find someone with a much bigger one than you who doesn't spend his entire time boring on about it. Otherwise not only will you be taking those cruises alone in 50 years' time, you'll be sleeping on your own next week.