My new year’s resolution? Be kinder to myself
When the existential dread of Betwixmas sank in, Lilly Subbotin decided she wouldn’t be making herself promises to join the gym, start a new diet or give up booze. Here’s why
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Your support makes all the difference.I utterly adore the Christmas period and all the food, drink, snacks, chocolates, nibbles and general indulgences that come with it. Pâté, Ferrero Rochers, smoked salmon, ham, roast potatoes, turkey, yule logs, pork pies, cheese boards, Baileys, Bucks Fizz, Quality Street… you name it, I’m a fan.
However, it’s the days after Boxing Day and the upcoming doom of January that bring with it a depressing shift in perspective. It’s the time where everyone starts downloading the Couch to 5K app, joins the gym, starts a new diet, goes vegan and cuts out booze.
I even had a friend say she was considering cutting out coffee on top of alcohol, until her colleague reminded her what a total nightmare she’d be.
I saw a tweet that nicely summed up what I’m getting at.
Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!”
New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of s***.”
It’s suddenly no longer encouraged to start drinking in the morning – or at all, for those doing Dry January – making a sandwich with turkey, stuffing, pigs in blankets, brie, cranberry sauce, bread sauce and parsnips is less culinary genius and more greedy and gross, and reaching for a chocolate every five minutes just isn’t as acceptable.
I’m under no delusion that consuming like this all the time is sustainable, and part of what makes Christmas special is that we don’t do it all the time, but the sudden pressure to eat less, drink less, work out and get it together can be a lot.
For those that genuinely want to do these things I think it’s great and they should go for it, but if it’s the post-Christmas self-loathing that’s piling on the pressure, I’d encourage you to try and be kinder to yourself.
With all sorts of different research showing that those that do set resolutions have usually quit them before January is up, I’m making the wise decision of not setting any at all
After Christmas I felt sluggish, tired and definitely like I’d overdone it. I felt a negative voice in my head telling me I needed to detox, cut down and get active. There’s nothing wrong with taking better care of yourself, but I don’t think it should be coming from a place of disgust or shame.
According to Mental Health First Aid, some 29 per cent of people say they feel pressured to set new year’s resolutions, with more of Gen Z than any other generation reporting these feelings (39 per cent).
It seems unfair and almost silly that the time we’re expected to make changes and improve on ourselves is right after being caught up in the fun of the festive season. I’m not saying we should do December all year round, just that we don’t need to jump from one extreme to the other.
On Women’s Hour at the end of the year, Dr Emma Hepburn said: “Make sure you are not using resolutions as a stick to beat yourself up or shame yourself. You don’t need a new you, but you do need to look after the you you are with compassion and kindness.
“Don’t list all the things about yourself you are unhappy with – that’s going to make anybody feel bad. Set positive aims that you actually want to do and that make you feel good. If you want to exercise, try to predominately focus on the achievement it brings you when you do it, or the positive way it makes you feel afterwards, rather than end goals like losing weight.”
January can be a really bleak month; it’s basically a seemingly never-ending winter without the festive cheer. It’s my least favourite time of year, so I’m going to try my best to not make it any bleaker by punishing myself.
With all sorts of different research showing that those that do set resolutions have usually quit them before January is up, I’m making the wise decision of not setting any at all.
Not concretely at least, there are definitely some things I want to do more (actually use my gym membership I’m paying for, spend wholesome time with friends and family, read, eat out, travel, crochet) and less (smoke, eat junk, be hungover), but going cold-turkey and being unrealistic is a sure-fire way of disappointing myself.
I won’t be eschewing carbs and suddenly training like an olympic athlete. I shall be treating January like most other months, and instead of purely focusing on where I could improve, I’ll be looking at what’s going well and making me happy. This year is going to be the year of being kind to myself. Let’s just say: new year, same me.
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