Sorting out leaving cards, tea rounds and birthday cakes at work? Women, just say no

Many women have experienced being ‘mum’ at work. We do it, because we worry about what’ll happen if we don’t, writes Salma Shah

It seems churlish and unsociable not to offer to make cups of tea for colleagues, but I’ve always found it an unproductive use of time (Getty)

Are you always the one who offers your colleagues a brew? Do you spend ages rounding people up for the collection for the latest leaving gift? Are you left to make the last minute dash to M&S to get the final remaining (and rather smushed) Colin the Caterpillar cake for a colleague’s forgotten birthday? Well, I have some good news for you. You’re allowed to say no.

A new book by four academics claims, women in particular, spend 200 hours more a year doing “office housework” than their male counterparts. Professors Linda Babcock, Lisa Vesterlund, Brenda Peyser and Laurie Weingart have written The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women’s Dead-End Work.

They argue that this type of behaviour actually prevents women from doing the more promotable, managerial tasks that get them up the career ladder, which is a very plausible thesis. Many women have experienced being “mum” at work. In addition to picking up after kids and partners at home, they are stuck with the emotional burden in the office too. There’s no thanks at the end either, no acknowledgement of their efforts – just a stack of paper plates and dirty mugs left at the end of a hard day’s work.

The solution, the professors say, is for women to set up “No” clubs, where they can get advice from female friends and colleagues on the art of refusing such tasks, and advocate discussion to make employers distribute these jobs more equitably. To be honest, this in itself sounds like yet another administrative burden for a woman in the office to bear.

But the sentiment is right. Lots of women reading this will feel seen when they consider the anxiety they experience when no one volunteers for the somewhat menial tasks they feel obliged to undertake. We do it, because we worry about what’ll happen if we don’t. The book is available to pre-order so it will be a little while before I can put the advice into practice, but in the meantime I will continue to find my inner peace and promotion prospects by actively not volunteering.

It seems churlish and unsociable not to offer to make cups of tea for colleagues, but I’ve always found it an unproductive use of time. If I want tea, I’ll make one for myself. I don’t need to be captain of the corridor and make some for my entire desk bank because of a social obligation. I have other things to be getting on with, like meeting clients and contacts for coffee, in a shop, made by someone who’s actual job is to expertly foam milk and boil water.

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And sure, it’s nice to be remembered on your birthday, but surely the sorting of a card and gift should be done on rotation by the relevant person’s manager because it’s better to be properly acknowledged and understood by someone senior in the team. In reality, the same person will probably be lumbered with the job: “But Janet, you’re so good at choosing the cards, you should go.” No, fictional Janet, your to-do list is long enough already. Say no!

Of course, fostering a team is ultimately productive, and good for business and wellbeing, but if we believe that, then the work should be recognised as making a proper contribution to the bottom line. If not, then don’t bother. It’ll just feel forced and fake anyway.

Maybe instead of saying no, women should ask for a bonus or a week off in lieu? I’m sure incentivising the situation will make it more enticing but until then be comfortable in the fact that only broken things get fixed and feel free to ignore the next urge to be helpful or request to organise without remuneration. Gender equality in the workplace depends on it.