An anti-self improvement manual for 2022 – it’s time to let rip

Here are some ideas on how to become a slightly worse person, from Marie Le Conte

‘Have that last drink that means you will feel awful tomorrow’ (Getty/iStock)

There are two ways in which 2022 can go. At best, Omicron will soon be remembered as the last variant of note, and this year will be the year we finally regain our freedom. At worst, another variant will come along and we will be forced indoors again, for the third year running.

These are two very different scenarios, but their logical endpoint is similar: in 2022, we should all aim to become slightly worse people. If this proves to be the end of the pandemic, we deserve to celebrate. After two years of painful self-discipline and dour restraint, the least we can do is let loose.

If, instead, we are facing another cycle of anxiety, restrictions and daily press conferences, we should be forgiven for no longer attempting to be our best selves. In short, whatever happens, we may as well go off the rails.

In my case, I have decided to make poor decisions that are both large and small. On New Year’s Eve I drank too much and behaved questionably; in usual times I would be mortified, but 2022 rules mean that I have chosen to move on instead. In March, I will be moving to Venice for two months, to do nothing in particular. This will mean spending the vast majority of my savings on something viciously frivolous, but I don’t care.

I do not know what it could mean for you, but here are some ideas on how to become a slightly worse person, to get you started:

1. Have that last drink that means you will feel awful tomorrow

2. Skip the gym; you can always go next week

3. Kiss unsuitable people, knowing full well how unsuitable they are

4. Order more takeaways or, failing that, cook unhealthier food

5. Spend at least a day a month in bed doing nothing

6. Buy an outrageous piece of clothing you know you will wear once, at most

7. Ignore messages you don’t want to reply to

8. Get a stupid tattoo on a whim

9. Actually, don’t even go to the gym next week

10. Spend more time doing pointless things online

11. Drink so much coffee you’re always on edge

12. Share gossip you promised you would keep to yourself

13. Start arguments just to pass the time

14. Tell small lies, just for the thrill of getting away with it

15. Try to avoid following current affairs as much as you can

Other resolutions are, of course, available – do get in touch if you manage to come up with better ones, I would love to become worse in new and unexpected ways.

If it sounds like I’m joking, I would like to make it very clear that I am not. Our lives have been small and grey and stressful for a very long time now and, as a viral tweet pointed out, it is the circumstances’ turn to improve now, not ours.

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I am tired of asking myself if my actions are that of a good person; I want to be virtuous but there is only so much time you can spend living for others. In 2022, I want to live for myself and think of myself and be selfish and annoying if I want to. I suspect that, deep down, you feel the same.

One day there will be room for self-improvement again, for exercise and kale and using less plastic, but it isn’t there right now. One day I will wake up in early January and promise myself that by December, I will be a better person.

This is not that January; I do not long to grow and evolve in the next 12 months. It is 2022 and, whatever happens, I will strive to become that little bit worse. Early morning runs can wait until 2023. In the meantime, the Tuesday night Jägerbombs are on me.