Lockdown has taught me what it means to be a good parent – it isn’t what I thought

My kids don’t need me to morph into their teacher, writes Gillian Harvey. They need confidence that their Mum isn’t going to spontaneously combust

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After struggling with fertility for a few years, by the time my kids came along I’d had plenty of time to fantasise about what sort of mother I’d be. I wanted to be perfect – to make their childhood as idyllic as I could.

That’s easy enough when all you have is a bump and a dream. But by the time my fifth child, Robbie, was born, life was a whole lot more complicated. Even before lockdown, I would be constantly plagued by the feeling that I could be doing it better: was I giving them enough opportunities? Reading to them enough? Arranging too many playdates, or too few?

When lockdown hit and each of my five children was provided with a ton of work to get through, my stress levels soared. Having the kids at home 24/7 can be tricky at the best of times – juggling constant requests for food and complaints of boredom while trying to work is hard enough, so how on earth could I become their teacher, too?

My children are alike in many ways, but when it comes to school work, they each have different needs. Evie, six, will happily settle to a task, and wait patiently if she gets stuck. The others have moments of reluctance, problems with patience and – in the case of one – a tendency to storm off, throw a pen or slam a door.

Even with my husband Ray on-hand, schooling five children, keeping up with my work schedule, trying to make sure everyone is fed plus ensuring that – when not working – the kids have Something Fun To Do is an impossible task. Frustratingly, other parents seem to be managing fine, sharing boasts thinly disguised as suggestions online. Since lockdown, I’ve had to hide many friends from social media to preserve my sanity.

At first, I was determined to somehow manage. But after I tried to explain apostrophes to my seven-year-old only for him to burst into tears, I decided enough was enough.

I don’t want my children to return to school and struggle because they’ve missed out on so much. But I’m not prepared to add to their stress – or mine – during this already fraught period. Instead, I’ve bought some fun workbooks. We’re doing a few worksheets a week, reading a lot and getting outside whenever possible. Oh, and I’m letting them go on screens – probably a bit too much.

My kids don’t need me to morph into their teacher, to grill them on their maths. They need routine, hugs and family time. Good food, good TV and chocolate. Confidence that their Mum isn’t going to spontaneously combust.

Lockdown has taught me that even the best juggler drops her balls sometimes. right now, good enough is, well, good enough.

Everything is Fine by Gillian Harvey is out on 28 May.