Christmas might end up being ‘cancelled’ for another year – but I don’t mind

The holiday is in need of a rebrand in any case. We have to reset our priorities, writes Janet Street-Porter

Will thousands of containers of Christmas goods end up stuck in Felixstowe? (PA)

Politicians seem to have a new mission – “saving” Christmas.

By this they are referring to the annual event where we buy poultry too large to fit in our ovens and toys our children tire of within a few weeks. Let alone the cases and cases of cheap booze – which will cause damage to our livers and cause big rolls of flab around our middles – resulting in “dry” January. We will buy bizarre foods – cranberries no one ever eats, even on Christmas Day – and make bread sauce which tastes and looks exactly like wallpaper paste.

According to the powers that be – retailers, market analysts, fuel gurus and pollsters – Christmas is in peril. Major chains from Tesco to Marks and Spencer say food, gadgets, garish Christmas sweaters and fancy lingerie are stuck in containers at Felixstowe, with no drivers to move them. Turkeys will be hard to find. And so on. One expert has predicted gas supplies will be low – so that bumper Turkey could take two days to cook!