‘A lack of meaningful connection’: Young people seek to break stigma of loneliness in lockdown

‘You can get really trapped within your own thoughts’

Young people under the age of 25 have reported feelings of loneliness during the coronavirus lockdown (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

The experience of loneliness was especially pronounced for young people during lockdown, according to research an first-hand accounts told to The Independent.

The sudden loss of connection to people was jarring, having gone from being surrounded by peers to being “stuck” indoors in a matter of days.

New data published by the Office for National Statistics (ONS) suggests that levels of loneliness during the coronavirus pandemic were higher in areas where there are higher concentrations of young people.

The ONS found that the odds of someone aged 16 to 24 reporting feeling lonely were around four times greater than someone aged 75 and over.

And research carried out by The Mix, a leading support charity for young people under 25, also shows that 62 per cent of all young people believe there is a stigma around admitting to feeling lonely. The stigma is especially rife among young men (65 per cent) compared to young women (59 per cent).

However, women were more likely to have felt always or often lonely in the past 12 months, with 44 per cent of women reporting the experience compared to 34 per cent of men.

Helena Thornton, 18, said the social isolation she experienced during the first lockdown contributed to her mental health declining.

“I really started to feel lonely at the beginning of the pandemic, all the schools shut down and all of a sudden everyone’s routines fell apart. At the same time it was hard to keep up with friendships and social connections, that’s when it really hit me,” the Bristol University student said.

“I went to boarding school, so suddenly I went from living around 100 people my age to living alone at home, although I was with my family, it’s not really the same. It can feel really hard not having those people around you to share your thoughts and experiences with.”

Molly Dean, a 17-year-old Sixth Form student from Liverpool, said the social isolation and lack of physical contact compounded her feelings of loneliness.

“Loneliness isn’t just about not having anyone to talk to, it’s not having a meaningful connection,” she said. “I think it dawned on me that I was feeling really lonely a few weeks into lockdown.

“It didn’t hit me straight away but then I realised so much had changed and I wasn’t speaking to anyone at all. You can get really trapped within your own thoughts.”

Despite living in a hyper-connected world, where social media means people are perpetually connected, both Ms Thornton and Ms Dean felt that social media oftentimes exacerbated the experience of feeling lonely.

“It’s really unfortunate but if anything, social media has increased the stigma around loneliness rather than relieving it,” said Ms Thornton. 

“There’s the constant comparison where you feel more lonely when it feels as though those around you aren’t lonely, because then you feel alone in that. When used the right way, social media can be used to nurture connections but it can also be used as a constant tool of comparison.”

Ms Dean added: “To say that you’re lonely, there is a stigma surrounding it, you don’t want to be classed as lonely. It makes people feel ashamed.”

Zoe Bailie, director of The Mix, told The Independent: “What we’ve found from our research is that young people say loneliness is about self-esteem, confidence and the effect that’s going to have on their future in the long term.

“The problem for a lot of young people is the stigma around loneliness, we found that even admitting they’re lonely when they’re in the most connected world we’ve ever had in so many ways is kind of embarrassing. The thing that helps with loneliness is talking, but it can be really hard to start this conversation.”

Support services provided digitally and via the telephone by charities such as The Mix have been vital to helping young people feel less alone. Helplines, chat rooms and clubs, such as the one hosted by The Mix in partnership with NOW, are used by around 4 million people - double the number of those using the services in 2019, said Ms Bailie.

“We try to connect young people and because we run a safe moderated community that is online but that is also anonymous, that actually can be the first step to a lot of young people engaging with others who feel the same way. Knowing that someone else is out there feeling the same way you are breaks down those barriers to talking about it,” she said.

“We’re encouraging people to come into our nightly chat rooms and talk about how you’re feeling and connect with other young people.”

Ms Thornton, who has been volunteering with The Mix for around a year and a half, said: “The first thing I’d say to someone in my age group feeling lonely is that you’re not alone. The stats that have come out from The Mix and other research has really highlighted that it’s a common feeling, but there are things you can do.

“It will be okay. It can feel as though loneliness can last forever, but it won’t.”