I’ve deleted all my fitness apps for my mental health. I can’t stand the competitiveness

The lockdown fitness industry is booming, but Anna Matheson finds the pressure to perform on tracking apps too intense

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Puffing as I rounded the last corner, I pushed myself into a sprint. By the time I ran the last few yards I felt sick and dizzy. Still, I was proud I’d managed 5k on a day when I really didn’t feel like exercising. Wheezing to catch my breath, I ripped off my running armband, which was holding my phone, and swiped open my tracking app to press stop.

The pride I’d felt moments before quickly gave way as I realised I hadn’t shaved any seconds off my usual running time. No matter how hard I tried, I never seemed able to dip below the 30-minute mark. Deflated and red faced, I retreated upstairs to my flat and sulked in the shower.

Six months ago, making the effort go for a run would’ve been enough to make me feel great. I’m not a natural runner, I prefer team sports. But for the last few years I’ve tried to go out for a jog semi-regularly to keep up my fitness and clear my head. I’ve used tracking apps on and off but never been too bothered about improving my time or racking up more miles.

But since Boris Johnson sent the UK into full lockdown in March, I’ve found myself spiralling into a into a vicious cycle of comparison that has completely sucked all the joy out of running.

Before the pandemic hit, I only followed a handful of people on my app of choice – Strava. I liked keeping track of new routes, how far I was running, and seeing what other people were doing. Like other forms of social media, I was aware these apps (like Strava, My Fitness Pal or Runkeeper) can make it easy to get sucked in, sharing your every move, feeling competitive and projecting an idealised version of yourself. But most of my friends who had it were either training for a marathon or rarely used it, so there wasn’t much opportunity for comparison.

However during the early days of lockdown, when getting outside for an hour of exercise was a lifeline for many, things all changed. At that time we became a nation of runners – businesses reported a hike in sales of trainers and fitness apps detailed a boom in users. I certainly saw more people joining in. And as that happened my relationship with it shifted.

As more of my friends followed me, I suddenly found myself getting praise if I completed a workout. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t give me a buzz. But soon, much like other forms of social media, I began comparing myself to others. Watching friends smash out half marathons or a sub 25-minute 5k suddenly made me feel inadequate.

Usually, I felt great after going for a run but more recently, I’ve been left feeling flat when my split-times don’t get any quicker.

And I’m not the only one. Earlier this month, Garmin underwent a cyber attack that meant their service was rendered useless for several hours. On Twitter, a wave of people lamented the fact that their workouts didn’t record and therefore “didn’t count”. A study by the National University of Ireland, Galway, found that people who used apps to show off about their workouts were more likely to develop obsessive or unhealthy attitudes when it comes to working out.

What’s more, typical app notification settings mean that unless you opt out, you’re notified when others complete a workout. As someone who is notorious for sleeping in and missing exercise classes, watching others smash out five workouts a week when you’re struggling to bring yourself to do just one has become another way for me to punish myself for lacking willpower.

When I admitted my feelings to friends, many agreed. While some said they relished in the competitive nature of apps and said it pushed them to be more positively motivated, others admitted it was hard not to compare themselves negatively.

While other forms of social media can encourage you to chase likes and make you envious of everything from other people’s holidays, dogs or even bikini bodies, fitness apps seem to come with their own set of complex feelings. For me, they definitely caused a pattern of self punishment that negated the benefits I used to feel from exercise.

So earlier this month, I took action. Instead of wallowing in social comparison, I deleted all my apps in an attempt to remember why I started running in the first place. I want to feel fitter and healthier. In my experience, exercise has always been a release from stress and time to switch off, so it was time to remind myself of that.

When I went for my first app-free run, I didn’t feel guilty when I gave up before reaching 5km in the heat. I was able to zone out rather than worrying about whether I was going fast enough. Most importantly, I came away feeling refreshed and energised, not overworked and disappointed. For me, the whole point of exercising is to feel good. So when apps aren’t helping you to do that, it’s time to give them the boot.