Who will win the battle of the holiday playlist?

As he prepares for a lengthy car journey, Will Gore wonders how many Eurovision tunes he can take

Will Gore would like us to point out that while this is not a photo of him, he does recognise and empathise with the emotion conveyed (Getty)

Holidaying in the UK – “staycationing”, to use one of the 21st century’s most annoying words – has many advantages. This summer, at least, you won’t find yourself dodging wildfires; only showers. And a trip to Dorset or Dumfriesshire can be made without the kind of lengthy airport queue that must, as they clasp their pointlessly blue passports to their heaving chests, make Brexiteers proud to have taken back control. What’s more, you can buy goods in your nearest holiday supermarket here without having to pretend that the mass-produced cheese you’ve proudly popped into your basket is really a local delicacy.

But there are downsides too. You can’t feign ignorance when you go round a roundabout the wrong way, for instance. No one finds it charming when your kids start charging about in a restaurant at 10pm. And wildfires or no wildfires, swimming in the blue water off a Greek island will always beat desperate attempts to doggy-paddle away from the turds that have been released around our shores by Britain’s water companies.

Then, of course, there are the interminable car journeys. Nothing says summer on the south coast better than a 25-mile jam on the M3. And surely there is no phrase which has crossed the generations more effectively than “Are we nearly there yet?” The answer – “No”, thanks to the aforementioned traffic jam.