‘Big Tesco’ selfies may be funny, but our human need to be ‘seen’ in lockdown is far from trivial

‘A desire to be seen by others isn’t frivolous or vain, it’s intrinsically human,’ writes Natasha Preskey

(Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Once upon a time, I had other ways to acquire the little hit of dopamine I now get when I approach the glowing red Tesco sign on my evening walk. Someone I had a crush on turning up at a party, a waiter approaching my table with a tray of burgers and the moment I located my friends’ faces on the other side of the pub have now all been replaced with crossing the threshold at a giant supermarket. (That, and Married At First Sight Australia).  

Since England went back into national lockdown on 5 January, going supermarket shopping is one of a very short list of legal reasons to leave the house and be near to other humans. “Think I need a trip to big Tesco to perk my mood up,” wrote one Twitter user last week. “Might get dressed real fancy to go to the big Tesco,” said another. “When I die take me to the big Tesco in the sky,” requested one particularly committed shopper.    

Among the perhaps unsurprising number of social media posts about going “out-out” to a big supermarket, there are the many selfies people have taken of themselves wearing a full face of make-up, a fun outfit or striking a sultry pose when heading off to do the big shop. The trend is largely a self-deprecating joke hinging on the idea that our lives are now so mundane that wandering the frozen food aisle is an occasion that merits liquid eyeliner. But a desire to be seen by others isn’t frivolous or vain, it’s intrinsically human.  

“Psychologically, it is a basic human need to be seen,” says Andre Radmall, a psychotherapist specialising in body image who previously worked in the Priory Hospital’s eating disorder unit.  

Radmall tells me this need can be traced back to our early development, where children’s and infants’ concept of themselves is influenced by how much they have been seen by their caregivers. But being seen on its own isn’t enough, he adds, it’s being “seen and approved of”.  

“Psychologically, it is a basic human need to be seen”

Andre Radmall

Conversations around selfie-taking often focus on vanity, and Instagram users seem to attract an ire quite unique to the image-based platform. Stories about young people who’ve died taking selfies always attract more cruel comments than condolences. But, perhaps, when making allegations of “attention-seeking”, we should remind ourselves that, to some degree, humans do need attention.  

Posting a picture in a nice outfit when heading out to the shops may be fun and throwaway but Radmall says it can be a way of trying to reduce feelings of isolation and the low self-esteem that can come with it.  

“When people post selfies of walks and shopping they are basically saying 'I'm here. Look at me. Don't forget me',” he says. “People are relational and even introverts will eventually need to check in with others and get some approval and validation.”

Attending to the way we look, even if we become the definition of ‘dressed up with nowhere to go’, reminds us that we exist beyond the floating head we can’t look away from on video chat or the terse emails in our inbox. We matter, and we’re worth taking care of.  

“Even small changes in hairstyle, colour, fabric and make up can boost our mood,” says Radmall. “Taking care of appearance is an exercise in valuing and expressing different aspects of ourselves.”  

Scrolling through a camera roll full of selfies taken in mundane locations is unlikely to fill anyone with nostalgia. But, however uninspiring these images feel at the moment, we’re documenting how we wore our hair and where we took our walks during the weirdest year of our lives. And one day, in the far flung future, we may be curious about how that year looked.