Why the baby-making reality TV show Labour of Love isn’t as crazy as you might think
A group of men competing to father a child with a 41-year-old woman on TV is bizarre, but it doesn’t deserve all the criticism, says Charlotte Cripps
In Labour of Love – a new US dating show in which 15 men compete to impregnate a 41-year-old woman – waiters at a party hand out specimen pots, rather than drinks. The host of the show – Kristin Davis, best known for playing Charlotte York in Sex and the City – tells the “sexy and sophisticated” hopefuls that it’s time to get their sperm analysed for fertility. “Bring these cups,” she tells them. “We are not here to mess around.” To put it bluntly, are they capable of having children?
Davis leads them to a “mobile collection centre” – a long trailer, where they go into little cubicles with their names on the doors, to produce a sperm sample. “I suggest we just get right to the task,” she says in a cheery voice that reminds me of Aunt Lydia in The Handmaid’s Tale, who has the same knack for making even the most humiliating rituals look quite normal.
Unsurprisingly, Labour of Love – a show that “skips the dating and goes straight to baby-making” and is dubbed “The Bachelor for baby daddies” – has sparked huge controversy. It certainly cuts to the chase, but that’s exactly what is needed for the show’s mum-to-be Kristy Katzmann, who is over 40 and doesn’t want to hang about waiting for Mr Right anymore.
The former contestant on The Bachelor’s 11th season, resplendent in baby pink, will choose one of the men to be the father of her child. But ever since the premiere of the show, which is coming to the UK soon, the reaction has been one big gasp of disapproval. Its detractors say it’s “dumb”, “outrageous”, and “lacking in heart”. When I mentioned the premise of the show to a friend, they used the word “horrific”. But I understand the show’s star, Katzmann – and she seems genuine.
She shares a sense of urgency only a woman of her age can feel when your fertility is falling off a cliff. It’s something I remember only too well when I was trying to conceive via IVF before it was too late. Like Katzmann, I was desperate for a child. The overwhelming panic feels like life and death as your biological clock ticks. I very much doubt any of these men feel the same intensity.
Early on, we learn that Katzmann has had her eggs frozen to allow her the option to go it alone if none of these men make the grade. She tells us she is more than happy to use a sperm donor, as so many people I know who can’t find a willing partner, don’t want one, or are in a lesbian relationship, have done.
But by taking part in Labour of Love, Katzmann is making a last ditch attempt to find a father – somebody to join her in the experience. And what’s wrong with that? This baby-making reality TV show is not as crazy as people might think. For me, it’s far more practical than other reality TV shows such as Love is Blind, where couples propose to people they haven’t even seen and Married at First Sight, where people get married the second they meet. Who knows? She might actually get the baby and a dream dad as an add-on.
Down the line, sure, how do you explain to your child that they were conceived because of a reality TV show? But the conversation is still hard if you use a sperm donor the child might never meet.
The big question is: are these men for real? Why do they want to become a dad/partner on a reality TV show? The contestants, ranging from a doctor to a funeral director, compete in tasks, including getting hooked up to a labour simulator to experience childbirth. But it becomes increasingly evident that for many of them, it’s simply a game to win. Even though they claim they are chomping at the bit to be a father and are crazy about her, it’s all too wooden – with some smatterings of real chemistry.
Katzmann is “pretty convinced” the men are here for the right reasons if they are willing “to do all this for her”. It’s only later on in the series that alarm bells start ringing. What if she picks a disingenuous man? She’s had a few wake-up calls: gym owner Keith’s temper and Alan calling her “Cindy” by mistake – although he did win the best sperm prize (317 million active swimmers).
Angelo, a firefighter, is so happy when he’s evicted he looks like he’s escaped jail. He claims she’s “like a four” and he hangs out with “10s and 12s” – so she had a lucky escape, too. It’s probably not the end of the line for most of these men if they want offspring in a few years – or even decades later.
As Katzmann eliminates men each week – weeding out the frauds – and starts to feel like she’s experiencing “real breakups” as she boots off the final contestants, the stakes get higher. Her first marriage ended after six months; she doesn’t want to get it wrong again.
It’s still to be seen how this all ends – but at least Katzmann is smart. I’m sure she will spend some real time with the winner away from the cameras.
And at least she can go down the sperm donor route if she gets cold feet.
Luckily for her, she hasn’t put all her eggs in one basket.
‘Labour of Love’ is on Fox
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